WASHINGTON – After being mistaken for Michelle Obama for the 277th time since January, former Apprentice star Omorosa Manigault-Newman was asked to resign at the White House on Wednesday, December 13th. Though she kept insisting that she is a completely different black woman all together, members of the cabinet insisted she tender her resignation, indicating that it is just “too much work” to try to tell them apart. It was reported that she was dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming, “But I’m not Michelle!”
Indeed, Omorosa is NOT Michelle. Michelle Obama is a Princeton and Harvard graduate who became an accomplished lawyer before she resigned to become First Lady of the United States. Ms. Obama is currently enjoying time with her husband, away from the limelight. Conversely, Ms. Manigault-Newman got a bachelor’s degree in Broadcast journalism and then a communications master’s degree, and when she flunked out of her PhD program, she received a biblical studies certificate at a small seminary, which is similar to setting out to be a doctor, but settling on becoming a wizard.
Ms. Manigault-Newman’s major claim to fame before being hired to the Trump administration is that she was a reality TV star, often playing the “villain” role in her appearances. . Her supervisor, John F. Kelly, did take that into account as another factor in her termination. “Look, I get that we have to have at least ONE of them in the office for PC bullshit, but I don’t want to thug in here”, said Kelly. “Also, I keep thinking she’s Michelle Obama. It’s really confusing. I mean, she looks just like her!” After pointing out that none of the Obamas have even been in Washington in the last 11 months and no longer have clearance to be in the White House, he replied by saying in a whispered tone, “Yeah, but you know those people are very sneaky.” When asked if the reading name badges they are obligated to wear at all times would help allay confusion as to who is who, he scoffed, indicating that reading is frowned upon in the office. Kelly then started berating a black custodian who passed by, mistaking her for Michelle Obama.
Omorosa is hurt by this move, partially because of the dragging, and partially because of the mistaken identity. She angrily hissed, “I look NOTHING like her! And we don’t even have the same resume! She’s done so many good things for her community and African American women. I have done nothing but thrown women and black people under the bus for my personal gain my entire life! How dare they compare me to Michelle Obama!”
Ms. Manigault-Newman’s role was Director of Communications for the Office of Public Liaison and Director of African American Outreach, which is essentially Designated Token Negro Head of Black Stuff. She thought that her job would be more secure after actual white supremacists Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka left the White House Staff, or as John Kelly kept affectionately calling it, his “Ku Klux Kabinet”.
“We’ve got one out of here, but even though we got rid of Michelle, we still have Carlton, so no one will think we’re racist”, Kelly proudly announced. “He keeps getting stuck in elevators, so we never see him anyway, unless Fresh Prince is on in syndication.” It is believed that Gen. Kelly was referring to Dr. Benjamin Carson, and NOT Alphonso Ribeiro, the man who played the role of Carlton on Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Carson is currently the Director of Housing and Urban Development, also affectionately known in the White House as the Office of OTHER Black Stuff. When asked if they planned to fill Omorosa Manigault-Newman’s role with another black person, We had to end the interview at that point, as he could not stop dry heaving and laughing.