ROCHESTER, NY—In a move that has stunned many, city officials from Rochester have formally requested that East Rochester change its name, citing a growing desire to “no longer be associated with whatever that is over there.” The decision comes after years of mounting frustration with being mistaken for its smaller, more, as one official put it, “let’s say, charmingly outdated neighbor.”

In a press conference, a spokesperson for the R.E.N.A.M.E. ACT (which stands for Rochester’s Effort to Nudge Away Mediocre East) Rochester stated, “We feel it’s time for a rebrand. People hear ‘East Rochester,’ and they assume we’re all part of the same thing. We’re not. Frankly, it’s been awkward for a while.”

Officials have suggested a variety of alternative names for East Rochester, ranging from “Not Pittsford” to “West Fairport” and “Shitty Penfield” though none have yet been embraced by locals.

“Look, we’re not saying they’re bad people,” clarified a Rochester official. “We just want to stop getting their mail, you know? We’re Rochester, not… whatever East Rochester is trying to be.”