Syracuse Bans Unnecessary Travel Due to “Threat of Jim Boeheim Just Driving Around”

Syracuse, NY – Ever since Jim Boeheim retired from being the Syracuse University basketball coach, there has been a gloomy feeling in the city. Partly because residents are worried the team may not experience the glory days the coach brought them ever again, but mostly because they’re worried every time they drive.

“He could be out there just driving around and being retired,” one resident told the Innerloop Blog.  “It’s terrifying.”

While many outside of the city may have forgotten Mr. Boeheim’s fatal car accident, Syracuse citizens have not and his retirement has officials worried.

“We thank the coach for his commitment to this city but we also respectfully ask him to move to Arizona or Florida like the rest of the retired white folks from central new york,” said one city official backing a new unnecessary travel ban. “Until we can get him out of town, or to download Uber, this is our best option.”

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