Webster, NY – “It’s the vaccine,” says Kent Miller, Webster resident and full time Buffalo Bills fan.

Mr. Miller has been spending his days telling friends, family, and strangers at Hegedorn’s that he has “no doubt” the injury that safety Damar Hamlin suffered in Monday night’s game in Cincinnati is directly a result of the NFL’s push for players to get the COVID vaccine.

“The same thing happened to the brother of a friend of a guy I know,” explains Mr. Miller. “They got the vaccine and boom, next thing you know their heart stopped.”

We asked the longtime Webster native if he has any proof that his story was real or any source from the medical or scientific community that backs his Damar theory and he said he would get back to us via email.

Update: Mr. Miller has sent us an email and as soon as we figure out the Dark Web we will verify this source.

URGENT UPDATE: Does anyone know how to get their stolen identity back? We fell down a rabbit hole of links that Kent sent our way and we think we accidentally bought opium from someone on the black market and that transaction turned out to be a scam to get our social security info.

LIVE UPDATE: Turns out all the info about blaming the vaccine was bullshit but we have some promising leads on chemicals in white hots make you less susceptible to alien transmissions.