Rochester, NY – During a Monday morning press conference, Rochester’s Police Chief announced that all patrol vehicles will be outfitted with toddler car seats.

“These car seats are state of the art child detainment devices,” the police chief told reporters. “They will ensure our brave officers are safe from a small child throwing a tantrum.”

The military grade seats are equipped with steel restraints, light up handcuffs and a cute anti-bite muzzle. They are the first step in implementing the RPD’s new “Stop and Spank” policy.

“Our community has been under assault by crying toddlers for far too long,” the Chief said, “in order to make our city safe, we need to work together to ensure that excessive force is used to discipline all children.”