People Who Have Had Roseland Water in Their Mouth Will Not Get Vaccine, ‘They Have Bigger Issues’

Canandaigua, New York – Medical experts are attempting to figure out who should get the COVID vaccine first in Monroe County and due to limited supplies, they have been required to make some cuts.

The first to be cut from the list of vaccine qualifiers are any local people that have ever been to Roseland Waterpark and have had any of the water from the rides enter their mouth.

According to Doctor Bethany McDougal it does not matter if you spit out the water immediately, or accidentally swallowed it, even one-second of exposure to that water means you’ll be denied the coronavirus vaccine. “It’s because we want to save it for people that are going to be sticking around for a while. If you’ve had that water in your mouth, you’re more than likely not long for this world,” says Dr. McDougal.

Experts are also considering banning people that have eaten the free bar snacks at Lux as “they’re about a year away from finding out they have a rare stomach illness usually only found on uncharted cannibal islands in the South Pacific.”

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