Red Wings Announce “Straight Pride Every Other Night”

ROCHESTER – Since you can’t seem to handle your ignorant-ass uncle Jim, the Rochester Red Wings have announced “Straight Pride Every Other Night”, after he complained about them announcing “Pride Night” in July to celebrate the area’s LGBTQIA community.

The Rochester Red Wings, Monroe County’s favorite minor league team, has affinity nights for all types of causes and groups of people, including Kids Night, Deaf Culture Night, Women in Sports Night, Olympic/Paralympic Athletes night, Batman Night, and even a Sesame Street night, even though their Mac the Garbage Plate Mascot looks NOTHING like any other garbage-based fictional character. But your dumb f*** uncle Jim had to whine about there not being a “straight pride” night Frontier Field.

He claimed it was because he believes in “equality”, yet he cannot tell you or the Red Wings staff when in the history of the world old straight men were legally oppressed, erased, and ostracized by a treacherous queerocracy. He was never put into a gay conversion camp or forcibly sterilized to prevent him from acting on his “straight urges”. He was never kicked out of his house as a kid for bringing home a girlfriend. He was never chased and beaten within an inch of his life by a gang of transwomen. But since you won’t tell Uncle Jim to shut up or at least smash his AOL CD so he can’t get online, the Red Wings took matters into their own hands and indicated that “Straight Pride Every Other Night” will be in effect for the 69 other games they have this season.

You could have told him not to worry, since the organizers of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade and Park Ave Fest promised that their Straight Pride weekends are still on the schedule. I hope your dumb ass uncle Jim is happy now. At least until he finds out about Black History Month.

One thought on “Red Wings Announce “Straight Pride Every Other Night””

  1. minneapolis news headline: 2:56PM
    Twins’ minor-league team shuts down fan asking about ‘straight pride night’
    GROW A SET ! ! !

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