Charlotte, NY – Things are looking up for local resident Brett Avery, 41, who just woke up from a fourteen-year coma. Doctors at Highland Hospital are amazed at the sudden change in the condition of this former Blockbuster Video employee, who had lapsed into a coma after totaling his car on the Inner Loop near East Avenue in 2005.
The then 27-year-old Avery had been speeding on his way to the Port of Rochester to catch a ride on the now-defunct Spirit of Ontario.
“I was saving up for months to get that ticket to Toronto. How long have I been out?” asked a confused Avery. “I’m sure they’ll take my ticket. Maybe I can ride the Spirit of Ontario II now! Right after I grab some lunch at Cheeburger Cheeburger. I should really call my boss first and make sure I still have my old job. And I never got to see Revenge Of The Sith. I heard that was gonna be awesome!”
It seems Mr. Avery isn’t completely in the clear.
“Frankly, we’re contemplating putting him back into a medically-induced coma,” says Dr. Robert Moss. “The shock of seeing Rochester in 2019 might be too much for him to handle. Not to mention the rest of the world. I just overheard him complaining about the last episode he saw of The Apprentice. Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.”