ROCHESTER, NY – The Food and Drug Administration has determined that the classic parody “TOPs never mops, look at their floor” is 100% accurate and is looking to enforce huge fines against the supermarket chain.

InnerLoopBlog.com caught up with the local hero that created the classic parody song. Jeff Greenwood, now 47, told us that he created the joke on the back of the bus on his way to 4th grade. “The slogan was everywhere. TOPS NEVER STOPS. TOPS NEVER STOPS. It was all I could hear in my head. My family could only afford PriceRite so I decided I had to take them down a peg.”

He tried several variations:

TOPS Always Flops, Like A Fat Whore
TOPS Calls The Cops, Don’t Share Your Score
TOPS Photoshops, Votes For Al Gore

But when he hit “TOPS never Mops” he knew he had something special.

“It instantly put me on the same level as the kid that created ‘Jingle Bells Batman Smells’ and it felt amazing.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Greenwood let his popularity go to his head and he soon found himself in the same spot several child stars before had hit. Rock Bottom.
By the end of Fourth Grade, Jeff was fully addicted to Horse Tranquilizers. He was kicked out of school after showing up to an Ice Cream Social completely naked other than roller blades.

“I have cleaned myself up since then and I am now doing well.” Jeff is now a manager at a TOPS Friendly Markets.