Rochester, NY – It’s 9:02 on Friday night and Jason Berkeley is leaning on the bar at Monty’s Krown, waiting to order what will be his fifth light beer. Berkeley came to Monty’s with several friends, who are engrossed in a game of darts in the back of the bar. As the bartender heads Berkeley’s way, he raises his hand to signal. Just then, a man much larger than Berkeley, in a leather biker jacket leans onto the bar, in front of Berkeley, usurping the bartender’s attention and ordering a round of whiskey for “the guys”.
Berkeley, in a moment of courage, taps the large man on the shoulder and tells him that he was here first, and therefore should be able to order first. This courage was not present in Berkeley last Tuesday when he stepped into the shower. Perched just above the faucet head was an American House Spider. No on this occasion, courage was not a word that could be used to describe Jason Berkeley. Words that may be appropriate are mortified, petrified, or the most scared anyone has ever appeared in history. Berkeley, laying eyes on the spider, roughly a quarter-inch long, let out a primal scream and jumped backwards. He then is reported to have muttered “oh f–k, oh f–k” for another minute and a half as he mentally prepared to squish the home invader with a handful of toilet paper, an action he would compliment with yet another scream.
This small, easily startled inner self was nowhere to be found at Monty’s, as the biker aggressively turned towards Berkeley, stating, “if you got a problem son, I suggest we handle it like men.” Berkeley squared off with this man clearly much stronger than he and said. “Let’s go, buddy, I’m not afraid of you.” A statement pretty easily put into question by Berkeley’s dealings with a common household pest days prior. Still, Berkeley swung like a man who hadn’t devolved into a panicky mush when the spider scurried towards the drain after his first, failed attempt at squishing it.
Both the bar biker and the very small, harmless arachnid proved worthy foes for Berkeley, who went down after two punches to the former, and called his girlfriend crying after just barely killing the latter.