Buffalo, NY – Buffalo Swifties have claimed that Taylor Swift’s song The Alchemy may hint at a secret affair with Bills Quarterback Josh Allen.

While many Swifties theorize that the song is about the singer’s reported boyfriend Travis Kelce, others seem to think it points to a secret affair with Josh Allen. This was further suggested by Swift not attending last night’s game.

Several posts on TikTok have gone viral on the subject. Swifties point to football-themed lyrics and others such as “What if I told you I’m back?” indicating that the Bills weren’t good again until Josh Allen Joined the roster. They also believe this secret affair somehow connects to the release of Reputation (Taylor’s Version) and cite that the album could come out tomorrow (or any date following).

Josh Allen furthered the theory when asked for comment on his favorite Taylor Swift song, he said “I’m gonna have to go with illicit affairs. What? I’m not gonna choose Blank Space like some poser”

Rochester, NY – The Strong National Museum of Play just announced that in addition to the Play Garden, their new expansion will feature an exhibit on the history of adult toys.

The new sex toy exhibit will feature historical dildos, cock rings, and much more. The star of the exhibit is sure to be the 1800s strap-on used by Susan B. Anthony.

Visitors will also be able to pretend shop at the mini Ontario Video & News store much like the kids do in the Wegmans Super Kids Market in the Museum of Play. 

ROCHESTER, NY – Local adult entertainer Nikki T. Hoe has gone viral for posting what can be described as “Garbage Plate Sex Tapes” to her OnlyFans. The videos are vastly different, with some featuring Nikki covering her body in meat sauce and Mac salad, and another using her partners’ genitalia in place of hots.

Nikki is a veteran in her industry, having previously worked at both the Klassy Kat and an unnamed restaurant that served “plates.”

When we reached out to Nikki for comment, she stated she is the first to come up with the Garbage Plate Sex Tape, but expects “cheap copycats” to follow.

Rochester, NY-In an effort to raise money for charity, Rochester strippers have banded together to put on a show at the Liberty Pole just in time for the holidays. Some strippers are even adopting holiday-themed names for the occasion such as Candi Cane and Ginger Breasts.

The crumpled-up singles raised at this show will go directly to COVID-19 relief. When asked for comment, Candi Cane said “It’s going to be such a magical night and we’re really helping a good cause.”

Strippers have also prepared dances to holiday favorites such as “White Christmas” “The Dreidel Song” and “Dominic the Donkey”. For showtimes and dates, be sure to consult your friend from Greece who frequents local strip clubs “for the buffet.”

Rochester, NY – In a recent survey, 9 out of 10 Rochester doctors have recommended getting the hell out of Rochester and not looking back as a cure for seasonal depression.

When asked for comment, Dr. John Roth said “Leave. Get out. Do not, under any circumstances look back. It’s for your own good.” Roth also suggested relocating to places with a warmer climate, such as Hawaii, the Carolinas, or even Hell.

When pressed to explain all of the Yo-Yo Rochestericans (people that move out of town only to move back) Dr. Roth simply stated that “people tend to block out trauma. These folks leave and choose to remember ‘seasons’ but completely blackout memories of Lake Effect Snow.”

South Wedge, NY – This week drug dealers downtown launched a “Vax Up, Snort Up” campaign and started their outreach at Lux Lounge. The campaign encourages patrons to cut their coke with vaccination cards.

When surveyed, The Inner Loop Blog found that 19% of Lux patrons believed that cocaine killed the coronavirus. “Vax Up, Snort Up” was created to help combat this stupidity. The dealers are also working with local printers to offer free lamination of vaccination cards to aid in “getting crisp and straight lines”.

Experts predict that after a week of the campaign that the Lux Bathroom will be more informative and persuasive than any of Governor Cuomo’s press conferences.

Irondequoit, NY-Get ready to come get your summer! Seabreeze has just opened a brand new ride for their 2021 Season. The Vroom Vroom Express will simulate the feeling of driving on 490.

The ride will use cutting edge technology such as a local high school student pressing play on a YouTube video of 490 and fans purchased from the dollar store to give it a real “windows down feeling” as stated by the Seabreeze management team.

Marcus Portsmouth of Penfield was one of the first to ride on The Vroom Vroom Express. When asked for comment, he said “The pot hole effects were alright, but it lacked the general vibe of seventy in a forty-five that I was looking for”.

Webster, NY- Jonathan Greer, who you’re pretty sure you went to high school with, has announced his new podcast, Plates4Dayz. The podcast will feature Greer reviewing Garbage plates from local restaurants as well as getting black out drunk every episode. Contrary to Greer’s belief, no one asked for this. Literally, not a single soul.

When asked why, Greer responded “I just think it’s what we need right now. Plus, my mom said she was going to kick me out of the house if I didn’t find something to do with my life other than getting stoned and going to Radio Social”.