All posts by 1999mcl

Lux Patrons Now Encouraged To Cut Their Coke With Their Vaccination Card

South Wedge, NY – This week drug dealers downtown launched a “Vax Up, Snort Up” campaign and started their outreach at Lux Lounge. The campaign encourages patrons to cut their coke with vaccination cards.

When surveyed, The Inner Loop Blog found that 19% of Lux patrons believed that cocaine killed the coronavirus. “Vax Up, Snort Up” was created to help combat this stupidity. The dealers are also working with local printers to offer free lamination of vaccination cards to aid in “getting crisp and straight lines”.

Experts predict that after a week of the campaign that the Lux Bathroom will be more informative and persuasive than any of Governor Cuomo’s press conferences.

Seabreeze to Open New Ride That Simulates the Feeling of Driving on 490

Irondequoit, NY-Get ready to come get your summer! Seabreeze has just opened a brand new ride for their 2021 Season. The Vroom Vroom Express will simulate the feeling of driving on 490.

The ride will use cutting edge technology such as a local high school student pressing play on a YouTube video of 490 and fans purchased from the dollar store to give it a real “windows down feeling” as stated by the Seabreeze management team.

Marcus Portsmouth of Penfield was one of the first to ride on The Vroom Vroom Express. When asked for comment, he said “The pot hole effects were alright, but it lacked the general vibe of seventy in a forty-five that I was looking for”.

Your Lame Acquaintance From High School Announces Podcast Reviewing Garbage Plates

Webster, NY- Jonathan Greer, who you’re pretty sure you went to high school with, has announced his new podcast, Plates4Dayz. The podcast will feature Greer reviewing Garbage plates from local restaurants as well as getting black out drunk every episode. Contrary to Greer’s belief, no one asked for this. Literally, not a single soul.

When asked why, Greer responded “I just think it’s what we need right now. Plus, my mom said she was going to kick me out of the house if I didn’t find something to do with my life other than getting stoned and going to Radio Social”.