Mayor Warren’s Approval Rating Plummets to 99%, Reports Mayor Warren

Mayor Lovely Warren’s approval rating has plummeted to an all-time low of 99%, the Mayor herself reported earlier this week in a report issued on unofficial letterhead.

“While I maintain my innocence on all counts,” the report reads, “I do acknowledge that some residents disapprove of my actions, for some reason. By my own office’s estimate, as many as 1% of Rochesterians no longer support my administration.”

This report comes as a response to several controversies miring the Mayor, among them unregistered weapons found in her home, potential campaign finance violations, and an alleged conspiracy to topple the government of the country of San Marino and dissolve its republic in a political coup.

Sources close to Mayor Warren have told the Inner Loop that she does plan to run again in the future, and hopes to boost her share of that future vote to a record-breaking 115%.

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