Local Chase Pitkins Unaware of Store Closing Decades Ago, Still Thriving; Serving Feral Raccoon Clientele.

Rochester, NY – A Local Chase Pitkin store, that seems to be unaware that the Chase Pitkin brand was abandoned decades ago, has somehow still been operating as a thriving business, serving a population of particularly crafty feral raccoons.

“Somehow we missed the news, I mean we thought it was weird that we had no customers for a few years and never got any responses from corporate when we would request more wood and such.”

Although a few years in, business began to boom as a small group of home improvement enthusiast feral raccoons began to take residence in the store, and slowly began to adapt to the process of browsing for, and completing transactions.

“Honestly, the Raccoons are much more polite than our former customers, you get the concessional jerk of course, someone who wants to suggest a return, or a customer that viciously attacks one of our cashiers and infects him with what is almost definitely rabies, but still beats having to deal with the standard customers we used to get, 50 year old dads who want to return wood for being “too brown”

When we asked a local resident, 65 year old father of 7 John Dinklis if he was surprised to know that there was still technically a Chase Pitkin running in his town.

He was confused by the question and only said “Haven’t they always been around?”

It turns out he, and a number of other local Dads had simply been referring to Home Depot as Chase Pitkin for the last 20 years.

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