Rochester, NY – Pamela Gillmore from Webster went into labor last night and had to make a choice. Does she go to the hospital, give birth, and commit to a lifetime of trying to throw parties on 9/11, or does she try to hold in the baby to give it a better birth date?

Mrs. Gillmore chose the latter.

“After my water broke I panicked,” said Pamela. “I pictured buying a bunch of little party hats and renting a room at Dave & Buster’s and having no one show up for this kid’s birthday every year.”

How did she keep the baby in? A combination of handstands and extreme Kegels. She said imagine being on a road trip, not having another rest stop for 5 hours, and all you’ve eaten for a week is Taco Bell.