1. Ariana Grande
More like “thank you, next holiday” am I right girl? Pete Davidson won’t be receiving any boxes of 6 strawberries dipped in chocolate and shipped apparently on a private jet to justify the $30 shipping cost alone.
2. Your coworker Dan
Look at the smug prick, all joyful knowing he’s just gonna go get some 5 Guys, get high and watch LEGO Movie 2 while people in love have to try to find a groupon to afford the privilege of sending their boo 3 roses and a couple cake pops.
3. The Woman from Popeyes Chicken Commercials
Yeah it’s true she has yet to find love beyond a $5 chicken strip meal with a biscuit and soda but that’s $120 cheaper than a bouquet of roses & strawberries that must be meant for the 1% to send their mistresses.
4. Jeff Bezos
Speaking of billionaires Jeff is too busy sending hi res dick pics to be able to go through the whole ordering process of finding overpriced Mrs Fields cookies and a teddy bear to a future heiress to the robot apocalypse.
Yeah sorry to be the one to break this to you but it’s over. It’s been fun for your significant other but they’re ready for the next step in life. But at least you won’t have to talk to customer support for 20 minutes because you had a typo in the delivery address and you can pass out eating a pint of kit kat ice cream watching reruns of The Office.