ROCHESTER, NY – Due to outbreaks of fights in recent years, children under the age of 55 will be prohibited from entry into the 2025 Lilac Festival, event coordinators told The Innerloop Blog late on Friday night over our fifth round of Blue Toads.

Although many residents have spoken out against the restriction imposed by the highly anticipated festival, city officials remain resolute: per the mayor, “at this time, for the safety and enjoyment of the attendees of our beloved Lilac Festival, we have no plans to reconsider the under-55 ban”.

At press time, city officials also confirmed that wristbands would be distributed to festivalgoers over the age of 62 to permit their enjoyment of alcohol in moderation in festival grounds.

ROCHESTER, NY – Vice President and presumed Democratic nominee Kamala Harris chose the Rochester burger restaurant Tom Wahl’s as her running mate, surprising many who expected her to opt for a human partner.

“Tom Wahl’s doesn’t even register on the fear-o-meter,” top Republican strategist Kevin Poindexter said prior to her official confirmation of the pick. “Bill Gray’s is honestly way better. The fries are better.”

Despite criticism from the far left alleging that Tom Wahl’s is responsible for a myriad of problems disproportionately affecting the lower class, such as heart disease and vitamin deficiency, moderate Democrats have praised the pick as “courageous” and “delicious”.

In the wake of a devastating cyberattack on Change Healthcare that’s left pharmacies nationwide unable to process prescriptions, Rochester’s Mayor Malik Evans has announced that the Mt. Hope CVS pharmacy has been unaffected due to its pre-existing inefficiencies.

“While wait times at pharmacies in other cities are up to three hours,” the Mayor said at a press conference Thursday afternoon, “the Mt. Hope CVS has maintained its average wait time of three hours.”

At press time, it was reported that pharmacies in nearby Buffalo were taking a page from Rochester’s book and intentionally implementing staffing shortages at their own pharmacies in an effort to defend against future cyberattacks.