What is Seasonal Bills Depression? 

Seasonal Bills Depression (SBD) is a type of depression that happens at the same time each year, typically during the playoffs and Superbowl, when teams compete to see who is the best.

The NFL season is marketed as a time for celebration, but for many Buffalo Bills fans, it brings a wave of complex emotions. Seasonal Bills Depression is a real thing that a shit ton of people care about worldwide, except for anywhere outside Western New York or a little bit of Canada. 

But don’t worry; we’ve got five practical, trendy solutions to help you thrive through Superbowl Season. 

1.  Exercise, Boost Your Mood

Whether shoveling snow for the seventieth day in a row, slipping across a parking lot, or chiseling the ice off your windshield, staying active helps release those feel-good endorphins. It’s a great way to combat the low feelings that come with your team’s performance.

2. Try an Ice Bath to Help You Chill

Ice baths are a popular alternative to exercise, and they are not just for athletes anymore! Studies show that submerging yourself in freezing water increases mental toughness. Honestly, just step outside and into Lake Ontario to numb the ever-knawing sting of disappointment. 

3.  Make Vitamin D Your Bestie

Statistically, Bills fans tend to live in overcast areas, where even the earth’s life-giving star hates to show up (See, Solar Eclipse 2024). So, be sure to get your daily dose of vitamin D, whether from drinking milk like your boy, Josh Allen, or those little vitamin D capsules at Wegmans. It’s not just good for your bones; it’s good for your mood too, you depressed, cranky fucks.

4.  Embrace Cozy Mindfulness

You can create a cozy self-care routine with Genny Cream Ale, a scrubby beanie over unwashed hair, and a lukewarm garbage plate.

Practice mindfulness techniques, such as visualizing the years 1991-1994. Wow! The Bills made it four years in a row! ‘Tis better to have played and lost than to never have played.

5. Stay Social with Group Therapy

Schedule regular group therapy where you can all bitch about the Bills together while simultaneously leaving the rest of us alone. Having your chosen group of men tackle each other over a weird-shaped ball, losing to a different group of ball-tackling men is hard. Of course, Meeting with those who understand will help you know that you’re not alone. Remind each other that not almost making the Superbowl is the same as not even being close, so you all should be fine. 

These tips will help you move on and plan for the future. 

Get ready for the baseball season! Use this time wisely, and get ready to transition from one period of misery to the next. Remember, there’s always something to look forward to in the world of sports. Go Red Wings!

ROCHESTER, NY – The recent announcement of the eclipse’s relocation to Norwalk, CT, has reopened wounds for Rochestarians, reminiscent of Xerox’s departure in 1969. The news came as a shock, with the Moon candidly expressing the decision to forsake Rochester and meet up with the Sun in Norwalk instead.

The move echoes the trajectory taken by the once Rochester-based company, Xerox, leaving crowds disappointed as they gathered to witness the awe-inspiring natural phenomenon of the total solar eclipse, only to be met with a total bust.

“It’s nothing personal against the people of Rochester,” the Moon explained to our Innerloop reporter, “We simply seek to be in a location with new, better, actually talented people.” This sentiment underscores a growing trend of corporations prioritizing access to “talent pools” and strategic locations over longstanding ties to their original communities.

Our InnerLoop team ventured to Norwalk as emotions ran high to gauge the local reaction. They encountered a resident who said, “Look at me! I’m from Norwalk! I wear Patagonia and love to say, “Happy Monday and synergy!”

Adding insult to injury, the moon delivered a scathing denunciation of Rochester during a press conference. “I loathe Rochester and everyone in it, you beanie-headed, garbage plate-eating, Bills-Cladded clowns,” the Moon Concluded.

Mr. Moon man’s vitriolic remarks are a poignant reminder of the shifting dynamics between corporations and their host communities. Loyalty and commitment often take a backseat to bottom-line considerations.

While the wounds inflicted by this departure may still be fresh, the community remains steadfast in its resolve to overcome setbacks and emerge stronger than before. As Rochester navigates this latest betrayal, it does so with a renewed determination to forge its path and shape its destiny, regardless of corporate whims or celestial shifts.

Rochester, NY – Mayor Malik Evans has announced an innovative initiative to crack down on trash and “other things” in the Genesee. “We’re going to boil the whole river,” said Mayor Evans in an Interview.

The program would boil the “cancer-infused garbage soup” that once joyously bubbled through a picturesque valley that is now Rochester, New York.

Mayor Evans says he was flabbergasted to learn just this morning that Rochestarians are drinking dirty poopoo water. “I have many loved ones who drink water,” he says; “in fact, I myself have even drank water before.”

 When asked how he plans to accomplish this task the Mayor said “There are things we don’t know yet and things we haven’t been given information on.”

Unfortunately, the Mayor’s first attempt to plug in a gigantic hot plate to boil the water damaged Monroe’s power grid early Wednesday, March 20.

The Mayor let our Innerloop Blog reporter know he is currently assembling a Genesee Boil Task Force (GBTF) which includes that guy from Kodak who accidentally discovered a-bomb testing, some annoying RIT nerd, and the creator of “Genesee Lite,” who has “more experience with garbage water than anyone east of India.” 

We have reached out to the Monroe County Water Authority for their opinion on boiling the Genessee River and to Captain Jim’s Fish Market to see what side dishes they would pair with boiled river carp.