Tag Archives: Sucks

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Rochester Most Haunted Admission Free Places #17: Wegmans Frozen Food Aisle

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Rochester,NY- As Halloween grows closer, here at the Inner Loop we have been bringing you a day by day countdown of the scariest places in Rochester to go that are completely free! Today coming on our list at #108 is Wegmans frozen food aisle! It gets a 9/10 on the spooky ghost meter! Wegmans as we all know is a giant in the food market industry, but little did you know how scary the frozen food aisle can be!

As you walk down the aisle of a Wegmans frozen food section, beware! You will see families staring upon the dozens of choices of processed meat and cheese products! Do not get to close to them, as these families are infected with what we call “Broken Family syndrome”. These families know nothing of real love or even worse! Real food! They scramble around their house mindlessly staring into their cellphones and ignoring the flesh and blood of those around them! They fill their soulless body with the food made from plastic and melted down Lego bricks! This kind of food is the only sustenance that they can live on!

If you can make it past them you will find another challenge lying ahead of you. The toothless sugar sucking twenty somethings! They only come out after ten o’clock, for their “sugar” fix! They will paw their disgusting hands against the glass looking for the perfect Ben & Jerry’s combination of flavors and disgusting artificial flavors that will sooth their cravings! These creatures are well skilled in the art of “suppressing” their feelings in order to carry on their daily activities.

These are just some of the ghoulish nightmares you will face on your walk down the Wegmans frozen food aisle! Try to survive if you dare! Be warned, not many make it down this section without inevitable facing their doom, or buying a digiorno pizza.

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Group of Teens in Minivan Sit Silently As Driver Gets In Argument with Mom

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Penfield, NY – “It was just a normal day for all of us,” Remarked Donna Schwibber. Donna was one of MiddValle High’s most promising students. She only smoked pot on Thursdays and Fridays. While serving as Valedictorian with a 3.2 average, she also advocates an extra hour bikini time on her dad’s boat, and raising the minimum allowances to $50 per 1000 Instagram likes.

“I was Messenger chatting with my Social Media Manager and he was saying that if my followers don’t get me trending by next Wednesday, then Jenna Marbles was more likely to present for ‘The Social Media King’ category on the Teen Choice Awards. So I was like ‘Why is God doing this to me.” She went on to describe the tragic horror that would follow. “Johnny just turned 18. And his mom and dad started fighting again while we were taking set photos with his dad’s DSLR next to their family pool.” That was just the beginning, according to Schwibber – Or Donna Sparklez as she’s known on Twitter and Instagram.

After being publicly accused of sleeping with another assistant at his financing firm, Johnny’s father decided to let his mother ‘Take all of my shit so I can just leave.’ He stepped off of the estate and drove his Porsche 9-11 to their cabin in Crystal Beach. Meanwhile, Johnny’s mother grabbed another bottle White Zinfandel, and told her son and his friends to ‘. . . get in the car because Johnny needs to learn to drive and we’re going to my moms house.’

“I didn’t really know what to do, so I packed up my lighting gear and put it in Johnny’s minivan and asked him to drop me off at my house,” said Tyler Rayban, lighting director that Donna Schwibbers manager highered for her photo shoots. “But then Johnny’s mom threw my cases out of the trunk and put her suitcase in. She said no one was stopping and we’re all going on meet the reaper. So I got in the backseat, popped a couple xannies, and started live tweeting like it was the apocalypse.”

As it turned out, all of the children and Johnny’s mother had accidentally ingested a homogeneous mixture of water and acid. The trip occurred the moment they pulled into Johnny’s grandmothers parking garage and left the minivan running. All information, interviews, and quotes have been taken from set footage, snapchats, and tweets recovered after the deceased were found.

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4 Things Donald Trump Should have Said Instead Of “Grab Them By The Pussy”

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Rochester,NY- Donald Trump has said quite the number of things over this past year. From calling Mexicans rapist, to mocking a disabled journalist. As of recently, Donald Trump as of recently found himself in hot water for being caught on tape saying he would “Grab them by the pussy”. Reflecting on this situation, we have come up with five others things Donald Trump should have said instead.

1)  Grab them by the hand and take them to a nice dinner and treat them with love and respect.

2) Grab them by the pussy because your their gynecologist and you have a professional obligation to do so and make sure to be respectful about it.

3) Grab them by the pussy, because you’re in the middle of intercourse and you’ve already established an emotional connection with this person and cant wait to talk about it afterwards and how comfortable you were around each other during that experience.

4) Grab them by pussy and let them know you’re not a rapist, you just don’t know how to start small talk.

 

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Rochester’s Most Haunted Admission-Free Places #20: Mark’s Texas Hots After 2am

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Rochester, NY-Kicking off The Inner Loop’s Countdown To Halloween with a spooky diner that Guy Feiri once called “Flavortown? More like LetsGetTheF***OutaHereTown.” Mark’s Texas Hots on Monroe Ave has 4 stars on Yelp, 3.5 stars on UrbanSpoon, and 4 Spooky-Ghosts on the Inner Loop Scare-O-Meter.

Much like an accountant who’s a Werewolf, this normal looking diner during the day turns into one of Rochester’s scariest places after dark. At 2am, Mark’s Hots is the unofficial meeting grounds for Monroe Ave’s most aggressive drunks and the inner city’s most wanted. If you can make it to 4am you will have a hard time distinguishing between the diner’s counter and the Star Wars’ cantina bar.

So if you’re looking for a good scare on a budget check out Mark’s T-Hot’s aka Marky’s Texy Hotys. Come for the great trash plates, milkshakes, and people watching, stay because there may be an active shooting situation outside.

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EXCLUSIVE : Hollywood Confirms Live Action Adaptation of Original Content

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Los Angeles – Well, It’s certainly been a jaw dropping decade of highlighted cinema innovation. Everything from the Fantastic 4 reboot to the Jungle Book and Ghostbusters reboots have captured audiences the same way the original movies did and with only half the effort. Hollywood never ceases to amaze audiences when it comes to taking 30 year old ideas and adding egregious and grandiose amounts CGI and calling them artistic re-imaginings.

We spoke with Paramount Pictures Executive Hunter Fredsberry as he described the creative process that artists have been using to make the perfect 2010s reboot of something that should’ve just been left alone.

“Beneath every great artist’s desk or sitting on their favorite chair is a small hole where ideas come from. Some of the holes are grand and shallow, others are narrow, yet deep. Often when we are rebooting something that should’ve just been left alone, we come across ideas from the hole that make everyone in the office say ‘But, what if we did this’. So naturally, every artist likes to refer to these magical idea holes as our butt holes.”

Fredsberry went on to describe just how monumental his butt hole has been lately in the film industry.

“Such amazing ideas have come out of my butt hole these last few years, and I have to share them with the world. Even if they’re for movies that we don’t have the rights to! When I heard about Jon Favreau’s Jungle Book, my butt hole was puckering out ideas left and right! You know that scene where Baloo and Bagheera fight off like 300 monkeys? Yeah. That came straight from my butt hole.”

Mr. Fredsberry then went on to describe the new ideas that have been recently coming out of his butt hole. He calls them ‘original ideas’.

“To be honest, I wasn’t sure if my butt hole was broken or not. I even had some of the other executives come over and look at my butt hole to see if anything was wrong. These new ideas that came out of my butt hole were things that no one had ever pulled from their butt hole before! Things like, talking dogs, but also with hats! Or having a movie with more practical affects than CGI! My butt hole even gave me the idea to make a funny Tyler Perry movie instead of another culturally blind shock comedy! Everyone in the office was blown away!”

With production already underway and Hunter Fredsberry’s butt hole raw from innovation, it looks like 2017 is going to be another exciting year of cinema magic. Stay on the look out for the Fall 2017 release of Tyler Perry’s : Medeas Big Butt Hole.

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Webster Man Determined To Find Something Fun To Do Tonight

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Webster,NY- Jeremy Lyles has been a resident of Webster for over twenty years. Webster is a nice town to live in, raise your kids, drive by a McDonald’s twice on your way home. Yet, damn if it isn’t a town to find some fun in. Webster is a town where Stephen King would write a story about a man going crazy and killing cats or some shit. Jeremy was sick of going to Walmart with his kids and having them scuba dive through the five dollar bin to find die hard two, no matter how much fun that game was. Jeremy shared his thoughts with us on how hard fun is to find in Webster.

“You know, it’s the same old routine day in and day out, I drive through Webster, fight off my suicidal thoughts, get home to the kids, fight off the suicidal thoughts some more and then go to bed. Not anymore, I refuse to live that life anymore. Tonight, even if it cost me my life, I swear I am finding something enjoyable to do in Webster. I refuse to spend another dollar at the AMC movie theater! I am paying fifteen dollars to just fall asleep on my couch! Webster has to have something to do that doesn’t involve thinking about suicide! I swear I’m going to find it! Maybe the kids and I could walk down the street since sidewalks are non-existent! Walking in traffic is fun, right guys?!?”

The Inner loop staff did some detective work of their own and tried to find something fun to do in the town of Webster. Here is a list of things we found somewhat enjoyable.

  1. Peoples pain
  2. Dead trees
  3. More pain
  4. Abbots 
  5. Dead people in Walmart
  6. Abbots to cover up the pain
  7. Rust

Sadly, The Inner Loop lost one of our own to suicide during this detective work. Sometimes trying to find fun has a very steep price.