Tag Archives: Police

Local Man Wonders What He Will Mutter Under His Breath Tonight

Rochester,NY- Johnathan Pascoe has had a very long day, he wanted to just come home, relax, maybe catch up on his favorite Netflix show and kick his feet up. Yet, something seems to be bothering him, he doesn’t know what he’s going to passively aggressively mutter under his breath tonight, there are so many choices sometimes, it seems as if a clear decision can’t be made. We spoke with Johnathan to see how he is handling this crisis.

“I’ve dealt with some difficult choices in my life, but for some reason this seems to be really getting under my skin. I mean my choices are unlimited, I could probably call my wife a “bitch” when she walks away from me, or I could say something from across the room to my daughter like “ungrateful brat”. I mean the choices are just so vast. Last week I my wife caught me saying “must be nice”. I really need to perfect the art of being a sneaky asshole in my own home. Progress, not perfection, am I right?”

Local Police Rookie Worried He Wont Have What It Takes To Be Next Viral Hit

Rochester, NY- With videos coming out left and right, its hard to tell which ones are truly authentic footage and which ones are just media propaganda. A new video has just hit the internet and shockingly, its pretty much the same old thing were getting used to, day in and day out. Johnathan Chester just joined the RPD, he’s been looking forward to this day his entire life. He’s just worried he doesn’t have what it takes to be the next big YouTube hit. Here’s what he had to say about the situation.

” You know I use to think that police work was all about hanging with the squad,  cruising down Monroe avenue looking for my drunk uncle. Now I feel like there is so much pressure to be next famous guy on YouTube. You know I see these cops all the time on YouTube shooting innocent people or harassing minorities. I just cant help but wonder why no one has filmed me yet. Ever since I started, I’ve arrested three sketchy Puertorican guys or Colombian or whatever they are. I don’t know, I’m trying real hard to get known. I know I missed a gold mine the other day, I saw this disabled black veteran who was handing out free cookies to people. If I shot him down, would have been viral gold.”

Johnathan had to step away, he received a phone call saying that there was an unknown of minorities walking down park avenue and it just didn’t feel right to have them around