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Rochester Time Square Building to be Renamed Trump Square Building in Celebration of Primary Results

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Rochester NY – If there’s anything Donald Drumpf loves more than winning primaries, it’s putting his name on stuff. After the registered sociopath and Presidential hopefuls glorious display in the New York closed primaries, he has decided to wave his magic gold wand and legally declare all of New York state ‘Drumpfland’. Local Drumpfians were a wonderful mix of aghast and in astonished aww as our new commanding overlords began branding all of New York’s beautiful architecture with the ‘Drumpf’ trademark and dusting all of the states population and ground belongings in a soft gold paint.

Downtown Rochester has officially been renamed ‘Drumpftopia’ by our magnificent leader. By the end of the week every building from Charlotte to Canandaigua will bear the Drumpf logo and every street will be painted “The best color of gold you can ever see. It’s Drumpf Gold,” to quote our lord and commander.

Many liberal try-hards spoke out against Emperor Drumpf, questioning the legality of Drumpfed acquisition of Drumpfland. Those losers were of course, never heard from again.

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Surprise! Donald Trump Is Actually A Giant Pinata Filled With Mousetraps!

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Rochester, NY- Today was supposed to be a special day for Donald Trump supporters in the greater Monroe area. We went to the chaotic scene only known as “The Trump Rally” happening and what can only be described as a mass gathering of people looking for a superficial leader whose only benefits include being very close to the brink of death and mass racism.

Donald Trump showed up in spectacular fashion arriving on his personal plane. The crowds cheered as their future dictator arrived to bring them into the eternal gates of Valhalla where ignorance and bigotry are fully accepted and actually promoted! We spoke with Alice Jones, one of the Donald trump supporters to get her view on this exciting day!

“I’ve been waiting outside for about eight hours now, Donald Trump means so much in my household, I use to think I was alone in hating everyone who didn’t think like me or had a different skin color than me, but then good old Donald came along and stared speaking to my heart. He truly knows what the american people want in their country!” Alice said

Alice took a moment away so she could dump an eight liter of mountain dew into her Doritos bag. When we asked Alice what she thought of America being built by immigrants, she transformed into a giant demon like creature and took off into the sky to forever torment the towns. “That’s about the third trump supporter this month that has done that today.”said local man with a brain.

The moment finally arrived for Donald Trump to make his way to the stage. Donald Trump waves his hands to silence his followers. “I would like to thank you great people of Rochester for coming out and supporting me. I’ve been to plenty of Rochester’s during my tour, but this is the best Rochester I have ever been too and I promise you if you vote me in for presidency, this will be the only Rochester in the entire United States of Trump, I will make it my personal goal to eliminate any other cities in the United States with the name Rochester.

At that moment a man from the crowd threw what seemed to be a rock at Donald Trump. Trumps skin seem to break with ease. Donald Trump tried to cover the hole, but at that point it was too late. A man jumped on stage from the crowd and starting beating Donald Trump with a foam bat, Donald Trump exploded into a mess of paper and confetti. The crowd was in shock, in front of his podium was a slew of mousetraps, the man dropped his foam bat and spoke into the microphone. “My fellow people, you are free at last. Since day one I have always known there was more to Donald than meets the eye. Donald Trump was just a giant pinata filled with mousetraps.” With those powerful words spoken, Donalds followers one by one started exploding, releasing mousetraps, rotten cheese and Mein Kampf books into the air.

*Editors Note*

F*** DONALD TRUMP

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Trump Rally And NAMBLA Clash Heads Over Convention Center

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Rochester, NY- A surprising turn of events has now seen Donald Trump’s political machine having to slow its tour because of a scheduling conflict.

The Rochester Tech Park was already booked for the national meeting of the NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association), a group that advocates for pedophiles and child molesters.

Talks were heated Saturday when Trump’s campaign argued that their needs were greater, and that the campaign had had the reservation for nearly a week. The boy touchers merely grunted at this and started staring at nearby children.

After a busy Saturday of discussion over who would eventually use the Tech Park, they came to an agreement that both could use it at the same time.

Katrina Pierson, Trump’s campaign spokesperson, publicly announced that “Trump supporters and registered child molesters have much in common, and will be able to share the space with relative ease, since there was already so much cross-pollination between groups.”

Donald Trump refused to comment because he was too busy eating farts.

Both rallies are happening today at the Rochester Tech Park and will be followed by a private Q&A press conference for Trump with local news teams, and the NAMBLA “Boy Wranglin'” event, in which NAMBLA members invite their fellow Trump supporters to help them round up all of the little boys in the area.