Rochester, NY-Local gentleman Brian has presented himself with the daunting task of explaining feminism to all his female acquaintances. It’s hard work, but someone’s got to do it. Listen, he read the intro to “The Feminine Mystique”. It breaks poor Brian’s heart to see these foolish women posting their negative comments online. “You need to have more confidence in yourself!” Brian furiously types, while shaking his head in disdain at Heather’s latest “self deprecating” post. “I’m a body positive feminist and I think ALL women are beautiful” Brian continued, “but of course, no one wants to date me. I’m constantly in the friend zone. Nice guys finish last!” He ended his empowered plea with a “sad face” emoji because he GETS it.
He then patted himself on the back for teaching another sad, uninformed young woman about the true meaning of feminism. When would he find his feminist princess who loves to eat pizza, drink genesee cream ale, be body positive, and remain a size two? When would a Victoria’s Secret model with a great sense of humor come into his life? She would laugh at his jokes the way he laughs at the jokes of Amy Schumer, and all those other female comedians that he totally knows the name of, but just can’t remember right now? Just give him a second. He definitely knows other female comedians. He’s feminist AF. He has a tee-shirt that says “this is what a feminist looks like” and he’s not even being ironic when he wears it.
Local women have described Brian as “creepy”, ” a little too too willing to walk them home” and “that guy who always played devil’s advocate in my women’s studies class.”