Rochester,NY- Johnathan Pascoe has had a very long day, he wanted to just come home, relax, maybe catch up on his favorite Netflix show and kick his feet up. Yet, something seems to be bothering him, he doesn’t know what he’s going to passively aggressively mutter under his breath tonight, there are so many choices sometimes, it seems as if a clear decision can’t be made. We spoke with Johnathan to see how he is handling this crisis.
“I’ve dealt with some difficult choices in my life, but for some reason this seems to be really getting under my skin. I mean my choices are unlimited, I could probably call my wife a “bitch” when she walks away from me, or I could say something from across the room to my daughter like “ungrateful brat”. I mean the choices are just so vast. Last week I my wife caught me saying “must be nice”. I really need to perfect the art of being a sneaky asshole in my own home. Progress, not perfection, am I right?”
Rochester, NY- America finally tuned into what was sure to be an interesting night. Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump going head to head. As America watched, we could only draw one conclusion at the end of the debate. Hilary and Donald are at the wrong venue. After some thought they have decided that their next venue would be the local Chuckie cheese in “Big Johns plaza” right next door to dominoes. We spoke with Donald’s campaign party to understand why they made such a risky move.
“After the debate last night, it was pretty obvious that Donald was not in his element. We know that he struggles with big, scary rooms filled with people who have opposing ideas. So we thought that he would really feel at home in a chuckie cheese ball pit. We know Donalds loves their pizza and the exciting noises of the arcade machines. We want to give him a fighting chance to really show the american public that he is really a man of the people and of children under the age of twelve.”
We also spoke with Hilary’s campaign party to see how she would be handling this new venue.
“Hilary has always loved ballpits, we know that Hilary personally has three to four ball pits in her house and she has always been a ballpit person. We know there was a time where Hilary spoke out against people who enjoyed ballpits, but we are really trying to change her image to whatever the people need in order to make them feel comfortable lowering their standards to vote for her.”