Category Archives: The Inner Loop

5 Problems With “The Inner Loop”

As you’re reading this blog within another a blog within a website WITHIN YOUR LAPTOP, YOU MUST BE THINKING! What is the Inner Loop? Why is The Inner Loop? Who is The Inner Loop?  The Inner Loop is a blog. A blog that goes beyond the limits of what a blog even means! A blog that points its finger at the masses and shouts “WE CARE NOT WHAT YOU THINK! WE ONLY CARE THAT YOU THINK.” Yet, despite The Inner Loop standing out among the crowd as one of the best blogs to ever exist. It is flawed, like everything else in life. It has cracks, it is written by humans and possibly one shape shifting reptilian person (still investigating). The Inner Loop is sadly flawed and we are here to expose them to the public. Here are five problems with “The Inner Loop”.

  1. Anyone can write for them-  Yeah, that’s right. We’re not making this shit up. ANYBODY CAN WRITE FOR THEM. Like anybody, your mom, your dad, that weird guy on the corner of Monroe and Alexander. Any old asshole with a laptop and two working hands (that aren’t reptilian) can write for them. Do you need to submit an application? Nope. Resume? Nope. Just message the Facebook page group and one of there many “esteemed” writers will respond and add you to the list! This is a dumb idea and its one of the many reason “The Inner Loop” will fail.
  2. None of it is real- If you’re looking for some hard-hitting news with things like facts and real stuff that is actually happening in your everyday life. Look somewhere else, The Inner Loop is straight bullshit. It’s just a bunch of guys who chat through Facebook messenger and mock each other constantly and sometimes come up with articles. They have an article called “Guy on tinder all day, walks into real fire”. Don’t ruin your eyes with this filth.
  3. Writers cant think of their own ideas- Creativity does not come to these guys naturally. I mean even this very article that they’re writing, they had to ask the other “writers” for help to finish this list. You don’t want to read something that took multiple people to make. I mean the only thing that should take two people to create is making a baby and even then they’re are consequences, like that your dad left and he probably got kidnapped by the reptile people.
  4. Michael Colon created it- Who the f*** is Michael Colon? Exactly, apparently he created this thing. He had like a “cool idea” he wanted to talk about with his friends and now it’s turned into this thing that’s actually being consistent with articles and getting more followers every week and some may even say slightly “successful”. That kid is a complete idiot and a total loser. Don’t read anything he is even slightly apart of.
  5. They shed insight into serious subjects with humor– The world is full of serious things and events happening that need to be talked about without any sort of political agenda. That’s what these guys do! Disgusting I know! I don’t want to hear about events happening in the world with a real human perspective and also humor! No thank you! I will gladly go back to my weekly nights of fox news marathons!
  6. Did we mention number 2 already?- Sometimes when I’m writing these articles I get lost because I keep switching tabs between Facebook and checking my bank account, so things kind of get confusing.
  7. They lose count of things–  Numbers are for people who count down the days till they die! We shall be immortal, we shall live among the gods and do the things the gods do!
  8. Never let go Jack– Titanic ❤

Audience Feels Connected To Comedian Who Asked Them “How’s It going”

Rochester, NY- Alyssa Lyles went to an open-mic comedy night with no idea what to expect, she has never been to a local comedy open-mic before and she was mentally preparing to leave unsatisfied. Yet, what happened next is a true testament to how a the local comedy scene can really touch the hearts of everybody and be more than just a bunch of thirty year olds talking about their dicks. We spoke with Alyssa to really get some insight into how she was affected by one performance in particular.

“You know, I really didn’t expect comedians to be so caring and to try to really connect with their audience, yet this guy really just took a big step and connected with me on a level that I’ve never really felt during a performance. He walked on stage pretty confidently, put his beer on a window ledge, fooled around with the mic for sometime, opened up a notebook and stared it for a solid minute and then turned to the audience and asked us “How’s it going tonight”. It was right there that I knew he was different from the rest, he actually cared about us. He proceeded to tell his jokes and he kept looking at me and asking if I was planning on getting some dick later. He was really just a unique kind of comedian.”

We spoke with Local comedian Jared Kitts to see how he was reacting to such positive statements on his set.

“It’s really f***ing cool, you know I’ve only been doing this for two months, but I feel like I’m killing it. I have this one bit that just constantly works every time. It’s about porn and jerking off and I feel like everybody can relate to that. Classic comedy am I right? F***, have you seen my joke book anywhere?”

5 Reasons Team Valor Is Straight Trash

Rochester, NY-  PokemonGo has taken the world by its sweaty little hands and is refusing to let go! Once you reach level 5 in the game, you have a choice to make. Which team are you going to choose, Team Instinct? Team Mystic? Or Team Valor? The choice is easy. Team Mystic. Yet, some unfortunate few belive that Team Valor is the best team. We’re here to dispute that. Here are five reasons Team Valor is straight trash.

  1. Their logo is stolen from the hunger games– I mean have you seen it? Where is Katniss everdeen when you need her to send an arrow straight through the heart of the plagiarist who said that would be the logo for Team Valor. Be original Team Valor, if you’re going to be an awful team, at least be orginial.
  2. They’re the “Bros” of the Pokémon world- You know those guys who based their confidence on their beer pong skills? That’s Team Valor. These guys will spend all there stardust and candy on evolving their Pidgeot, which they aptly named “PussyPidegon”. No one likes this team.
  3. My Bitch Ex-Girlfriend is on that team- Does this even need explaining? Of course she would, the only thing keeping my ex from being a straight demon out of hell is the fact she didn’t have horns coming out of her skull. With enough time, I’m sure it would show.
  4. Donald Trump openly supports them- When he’s not busy hating on Islams and shouting racist slurs, he’s playing pokemonGo and battling gyms in the honor of Team Valor. The only Pokémon he uses are “Raticates” because it reminds him of his children.
  5. They steal from the homeless–  Homeless Joe? Yeah, he was robbed by a group of kids from Team Valor. Do you really need anymore reasons to understand this Team is consisted of the scum of the earth?

 

*Editors Note*

We also have word that Team Instinct is actually just a bunch of 7 year olds who stole their moms I-pad.

Local Man Steps Over Police Brutality Victim To Catch A Pikachu

Rochester, NY- The streets of east end were filled with the passionate protest of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. The protestors were there to make a point and to passionately express the injustice happening in our country. Yet, Alex Gibbons had other plans that day. Alex just recently downloaded the PokemonGO app that is sweeping the nation by storm. Alex just had one thing on his mind friday night. He had to catch a Pikachu or die trying. Alex had been told that there was a small possibility of catching the rare and mysterious Pikachu on east end, so with only 30% battery left and a PBR in one hand. He trekked down east ave and into the middle of the protest. We spoke with Alex to see how this story unfolds.

” The minute PokemonGO was released I knew the only thing that mattered was getting my very own Pikachu. For the most part all I had been catching all day was Pidgeys, my buddy texted me and asked me if I wanted to join him in the protest later that evening. I said no way because I don’t like to get involved in things that would make me seem like im a passionate or caring guy. Then I found out a Pikachu could be down there, I knew something had to be done. I had to be the one to catch it.”

Alex traveled into the very heart of the protest, completely unfazed by the movement happening around him.

“I knew I couldn’t let them affect my mission. I understand horrible crimes are happening around the country, but do those people understand this has been my dream since I was eleven years old? To actually kind of own my very own Pikachu on cellphone? People getting shot is bad, no doubt, but I can’t let anything stop me.”

As the night continued the police arrived and that’s when things got dangerous, the Rochester police department started arresting the protestors.

“I knew this was the perfect moment to go in, I saw that Pikachu was only two paw steps away from my location, I just had to time it right. And that’s when it happened, I saw this police officer start to attack a completely innocent protestor and I leaped over her to grab Pikachu, it took me a couple of tries, but I got her!”

Alex walked away from the streets completely unscathed and it having nothing to do with being white and not caring about other people.

*Editors Note*

Here at the InnerLoop we are all on team Mystic and believe anyone else on any other team deserves to die a very painful death.

#LOVEFORALL

Local Man Steps Over Police Brutality Victim To Catch A Pikachu

Rochester, NY- The streets of east end were filled with the passionate protest of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. The protestors were there to make a point and to passionately express the injustice happening in our country. Yet, Alex Gibbons had other plans that day. Alex just recently downloaded the PokemonGO app that is sweeping the nation by storm. Alex just had one thing on his mind friday night. He had to catch a Pikachu or die trying. Alex had been told that there was a small possibility of catching the rare and mysterious Pikachu on east end, so with only 30% battery left and a PBR in one hand. He trekked down east ave and into the middle of the protest. We spoke with Alex to see how this story unfolds.

” The minute PokemonGO was released I knew the only thing that mattered was getting my very own Pikachu. For the most part all I had been catching all day was Pidgeys, my buddy texted me and asked me if I wanted to join him in the protest later that evening. I said no way because I don’t like to get involved in things that would make me seem like im a passionate or caring guy. Then I found out a Pikachu could be down there, I knew something had to be done. I had to be the one to catch it.”

Alex traveled into the very heart of the protest, completely unfazed by the movement happening around him.

“I knew I couldn’t let them affect my mission. I understand horrible crimes are happening around the country, but do those people understand this has been my dream since I was eleven years old? To actually kind of own my very own Pikachu on cellphone? People getting shot is bad, no doubt, but I can’t let anything stop me.”

As the night continued the police arrived and that’s when things got dangerous, the Rochester police department started arresting the protestors.

“I knew this was the perfect moment to go in, I saw that Pikachu was only two paw steps away from my location, I just had to time it right. And that’s when it happened, I saw this police officer start to attack a completely innocent protestor and I leaped over her to grab Pikachu, it took me a couple of tries, but I got her!”

Alex walked away from the streets completely unscathed and it having nothing to do with being white and not caring about other people.

*Editors Note*

Here at the InnerLoop we are all on team Mystic and believe anyone else on any other team deserves to die a very painful death.

#LOVEFORALL

Rochester Officals Unable To Find Indian Burial Ground to Build Casino On

Rochester, NY –  Love it or hate it, a casino is coming to Rochester. The casino has caused quite the divide among many Rochesterians, but there is a major issue that has been plaguing the officials of Rochester for some time. Any corrupt politician knows that a casino must be built on an Indian burial ground for it to truly grasp the heart of the city and curse anyone who enters it. We spoke with mayor Lovely Warren to get her take on this situation.

” I know the people of Rochester are scared of things they don’t understand. They should put their fears to rest. Here at city hall, all the officials of Rochester are very familiar with evil spirits and building things on top of cursed ground. I mean Collegetown was built right on top of the poor community and look how things are going there!”

While many people are opposed to the idea of the casino, they’re are many others who actually think that the casino could be the best thing to ever happen to Rochester. We spoke with local psychic Angela (last name unknown) to see what her thoughts are.

” I think the casino will bode well for the city of Rochester,  but at a very high price! It will probably cost them millions of dollars for the construction and that’s not including labor cost or what if bad weather hits, they have to think about this stuff before they begin such a huge task.”

We asked her what she thought about possibly building it on top of an Indian burial ground.

” Just build it anywhere, I mean our whole country was built on Indian ground by slaves and people don’t ever talk about that or care. The only reason people care about Indian burial grounds is because they made a movie about a white girl who got abducted through a tv set by a ghost. F***ing ridiculous.”

*Editors Note*

For people who are sensitive, please replace the word Indian with Native American and the word f*** with hugs and kisses for all genders.”

 

5 Signs The Jazz Festival Is Actually A Mass Suicide Event

Rochester, NY- Every year the jazz festival comes upon Rochester like a hurricane on Florida…during hurricane season or whatever. The jazz festival walks into our lives like a bitchy ex-girlfriend who says “Were over”, but then gets drunk and keeps texting you every night and f***ing with your emotions like some giant teddy bear who just says “Yeah, sure come over, my heart ISN’T RIPPED INTO NOTHING!” Moving on, I think the jazz festival is a giant cover up, are people really there to enjoy the sweet sounds of jazz? Or are they there to commit a giant mass suicide to be joined with the lord of light!

1) They want to hear jazz music–  Okay, this is a giant sign that this is a mass suicide. I mean who in their right mind actually takes time out of their day to listen to jazz music? Jazz music was specifically created for suicide or something like that. Isnt jazz music just people complaining about their lives while blowing into some sort of pipe instrument?

2) Old people are everywhere– Nothing is more a dead giveaway to a giant mass suicide then old people gathering together. I mean every morning at McDonald’s I see old people everywhere and you know what I see the next day on the news? You guessed it, an old people mass suicide! Old people pretty much don’t have anything else to live for besides the sweet sounds of death.

3) The ghost of Louis Armstrong is there– I’m not really a spiritual guy, but I have to admit it’s pretty cool to see the ghost of Louis Armstrong doing something, I mean he’s totally wandering around screaming non-sense about the afterlife and how he needs to swallow the souls of the unworthy or whatever bullshit.

4) My ex-girlfriend loves jazz– If this reason isn’t more obvious that people who listen to jazz music are self-destructive than I don’t know what is. I mean we could have had a great relationship, we could have been something great! But no! That bitch had to ruin everything! I WISH SHE WOULD OF LISTENED AND JUST TRIED TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP!

5) The hot dog vendor ran out of food– Boom. That’s the final nail in the coffin if you ask me, I mean I’ve personally never thought about suicide, but when I’m a little bit tipsy off of some sangria a man in a top hat offered me and then I can’t even get a good hotdog anywhere. Yeah, I’ll take a knife to my throat along fifty other complete strangers.