Category Archives: The Inner Loop

Moderators of Debate Form Most Viable 3rd Party Threat

Rochester, NY- As we saw from the shameless display of roundabout question dodging and 4th grade insult tactics, we as Americans are now-in the biblical sense-f***ed two ways from Sunday. The one saving grace from the debate were its moderators, Martha Raddatz and Anderson Cooper, who steered the wrinkly disappointments as well as they could.

In the wake of this national tragedy of politics, it seems as though both moderators have stepped up to the plate, figuratively speaking, and have joined to form a 3rd party platform running in this presidential election.

Raddatz/Cooper 2016 has become a widespread phenomenon, running on the platform of “We’re out of time-” and “can we please just move on?” which has been resonating with voters young and old across the country.

In response, the Clinton and Trump campaigns have both hired other news correspondents as running mates: Clinton desperately trying to scrape up any loose Wolf Blitzers after last month’s Blitzer Diaspora, and Trump hiring Bill O’Riley to accuse children of 9/11ing public education or some other bullshit. 

Raddatz has put forward a strong message in her slogan of “we’re out of time,” and recent polls suggest that Anderson Cooper is going to be the most handsome VP in history, bringing a much needed sexiness to the role of America’s weird uncle.

As of now, the next debate is scheduled to be moderated by Clinton and Trump, who will argue the entire time while Raddatz and Cooper sit silently on stage, calmly blowing kisses to the audience for three hours.

4 Things Donald Trump Should have Said Instead Of “Grab Them By The Pussy”

Rochester,NY- Donald Trump has said quite the number of things over this past year. From calling Mexicans rapist, to mocking a disabled journalist. As of recently, Donald Trump as of recently found himself in hot water for being caught on tape saying he would “Grab them by the pussy”. Reflecting on this situation, we have come up with five others things Donald Trump should have said instead.

1)  Grab them by the hand and take them to a nice dinner and treat them with love and respect.

2) Grab them by the pussy because your their gynecologist and you have a professional obligation to do so and make sure to be respectful about it.

3) Grab them by the pussy, because you’re in the middle of intercourse and you’ve already established an emotional connection with this person and cant wait to talk about it afterwards and how comfortable you were around each other during that experience.

4) Grab them by pussy and let them know you’re not a rapist, you just don’t know how to start small talk.

 

Rochester Most Haunted Admission Free Places #18: The AppleBees In Pittsford

Rochester, NY- It’s that time of the year again! We know with the holidays coming up that everyone is a bit thin in their wallets or at least they left it at that dive bar because that hooker wouldn’t give them a straight answer. Here at The Inner Loop we have been working hard to provide you with the top 20 list of the best haunted places in Rochester, you can go for free! Number 18 on our list is the AppleBees in Pittsford! We are personally giving 8 out of 10 spooky ghost rating

Nothing says scary like  a Wednesday night karaoke night at the AppleBees in Pittsford! Step into the “spooky” dining area to find a fully staffed bar full of zombies! That’s right, watch as the bartender slips into a dull emotionless state of mind as the 10 o’clock happy hour starts to kick in. Look upon the servers, but be careful to not get to close! They are prone to transform into a werewolf like state if you ask them what the specials are to many times!

This Applebees is a fantastic place to take the kids for a scary good time! Just beware the many ghoulish things waiting around the corner! The devilish “food poisoning” is always waiting for anyone who dare orders a hamburger raw!!

 

Rochester’s Most Haunted Admission Free Places #19: The Restaurant My Ex Works At

Rochester, NY – Next up on our list is a destination sure to raise the hairs on the back of your neck; the restaurant my horrible ex-girlfriend works at. Coming in at 19 on our list, this spooky venue gets 5 out of 10 Spooky-Ghosts on our Inner Loop Scare-O-Meter.

A visit to this creepy locale is a guaranteed fright-fest. Sure the food is good, and the ambiance is pleasing. But you never know when a succubus in a black button up will steal your heart and subsequently rip it out in front of you and eat it with her disgusting teeth that have that gap that you thought was cute once but now can only see as a gross, tiny little black void like the one in your chest.

Prepare to feel true terror when you realize that the restaurant is where all your work friends go for lunch so it’s not like you can just avoid seeing her in her dumb apron flirting with that pothead chef who you are pretty sure she slept with when you guys were together.

For those seeking bone-chilling thrills, this is the place for you. To enhance the nightmareish experience, be sure to text her drunkingly the night before you go.

Rochester’s Most Haunted Admission-Free Places #20: Mark’s Texas Hots After 2am

Rochester, NY-Kicking off The Inner Loop’s Countdown To Halloween with a spooky diner that Guy Feiri once called “Flavortown? More like LetsGetTheF***OutaHereTown.” Mark’s Texas Hots on Monroe Ave has 4 stars on Yelp, 3.5 stars on UrbanSpoon, and 4 Spooky-Ghosts on the Inner Loop Scare-O-Meter.

Much like an accountant who’s a Werewolf, this normal looking diner during the day turns into one of Rochester’s scariest places after dark. At 2am, Mark’s Hots is the unofficial meeting grounds for Monroe Ave’s most aggressive drunks and the inner city’s most wanted. If you can make it to 4am you will have a hard time distinguishing between the diner’s counter and the Star Wars’ cantina bar.

So if you’re looking for a good scare on a budget check out Mark’s T-Hot’s aka Marky’s Texy Hotys. Come for the great trash plates, milkshakes, and people watching, stay because there may be an active shooting situation outside.

Local Police Rookie Worried He Wont Have What It Takes To Be Next Viral Hit

Rochester, NY- With videos coming out left and right, its hard to tell which ones are truly authentic footage and which ones are just media propaganda. A new video has just hit the internet and shockingly, its pretty much the same old thing were getting used to, day in and day out. Johnathan Chester just joined the RPD, he’s been looking forward to this day his entire life. He’s just worried he doesn’t have what it takes to be the next big YouTube hit. Here’s what he had to say about the situation.

” You know I use to think that police work was all about hanging with the squad,  cruising down Monroe avenue looking for my drunk uncle. Now I feel like there is so much pressure to be next famous guy on YouTube. You know I see these cops all the time on YouTube shooting innocent people or harassing minorities. I just cant help but wonder why no one has filmed me yet. Ever since I started, I’ve arrested three sketchy Puertorican guys or Colombian or whatever they are. I don’t know, I’m trying real hard to get known. I know I missed a gold mine the other day, I saw this disabled black veteran who was handing out free cookies to people. If I shot him down, would have been viral gold.”

Johnathan had to step away, he received a phone call saying that there was an unknown of minorities walking down park avenue and it just didn’t feel right to have them around

EXCLUSIVE : Hollywood Confirms Live Action Adaptation of Original Content

Los Angeles – Well, It’s certainly been a jaw dropping decade of highlighted cinema innovation. Everything from the Fantastic 4 reboot to the Jungle Book and Ghostbusters reboots have captured audiences the same way the original movies did and with only half the effort. Hollywood never ceases to amaze audiences when it comes to taking 30 year old ideas and adding egregious and grandiose amounts CGI and calling them artistic re-imaginings.

We spoke with Paramount Pictures Executive Hunter Fredsberry as he described the creative process that artists have been using to make the perfect 2010s reboot of something that should’ve just been left alone.

“Beneath every great artist’s desk or sitting on their favorite chair is a small hole where ideas come from. Some of the holes are grand and shallow, others are narrow, yet deep. Often when we are rebooting something that should’ve just been left alone, we come across ideas from the hole that make everyone in the office say ‘But, what if we did this’. So naturally, every artist likes to refer to these magical idea holes as our butt holes.”

Fredsberry went on to describe just how monumental his butt hole has been lately in the film industry.

“Such amazing ideas have come out of my butt hole these last few years, and I have to share them with the world. Even if they’re for movies that we don’t have the rights to! When I heard about Jon Favreau’s Jungle Book, my butt hole was puckering out ideas left and right! You know that scene where Baloo and Bagheera fight off like 300 monkeys? Yeah. That came straight from my butt hole.”

Mr. Fredsberry then went on to describe the new ideas that have been recently coming out of his butt hole. He calls them ‘original ideas’.

“To be honest, I wasn’t sure if my butt hole was broken or not. I even had some of the other executives come over and look at my butt hole to see if anything was wrong. These new ideas that came out of my butt hole were things that no one had ever pulled from their butt hole before! Things like, talking dogs, but also with hats! Or having a movie with more practical affects than CGI! My butt hole even gave me the idea to make a funny Tyler Perry movie instead of another culturally blind shock comedy! Everyone in the office was blown away!”

With production already underway and Hunter Fredsberry’s butt hole raw from innovation, it looks like 2017 is going to be another exciting year of cinema magic. Stay on the look out for the Fall 2017 release of Tyler Perry’s : Medeas Big Butt Hole.