Category Archives: The Inner Loop

The Five News Stories You Missed While The Mainstream Media Obsessed Over Mike Pence Eating With His Wife

Birds can’t still can’t participate in the olympics! 

What the fuck is this shit?! How do you expect people to co exist when the graceful swan is still not allowed to compete in the 40 meter dash?! I for one will not eat until this injustice is corrected, who’s with me?!

Dennys stills exists 

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, dennys is the portal to the underworld. It must be destroyed! how many more countless souls will be bewitched into succeeding their souls to the dark under lord because of that accursed-ed “grand slamwhich” before we do something?!

Inter dimensional robots have taken over talk radio

We’ve all heard the rumors, We all know what’s going on here. Hell, all you have to do is walk into a crowded gazebo, Ferris wheel line, or where ever it is that the youths of your town congregate and it’s all you’ll hear… the talk of how all of the good talk radio shows are gone and have been replaced with the lamest inter dimensional robots that have ever breathed electrons into a microphone. I mean talk about snoresville I for one won’t remain silent, Yet the mainstream media hasn’t said a thing.

Everybody in North Dakota has three eyebrows

How long has this been going on!? Was anybody going to tell us this shit?! No of course not, because the lame stream media is bought and paid for by the big eyebrow lobby. Never willing to admit that maybe eyebrow experiments have gone too far. Well now look at what’s happened! A state full of mothers, fathers, and children cast aside and forgotten about. These freaks will never find love and our government and news couldn’t care less!

Iceland threw their corrupt politicians and bankers into prison. 

Seriously look this up. It didn’t happen recently but it did happen. They don’t want you to know about it because they are scared of you, of us. But we can take these pieces of shit down together, we are strong enough. It is only a matter of time before their empire collapses like they always do and will.

I wanted to mark them one through five but my phone was being weird. Also if a more recent news story comes out I’m fine with replacing the pence thing with that.

Kisses, Justin 

5 Signs You’re listening To 98.9 The Buzz Morning Show

Rochester,NY- It’s the crack of dawn, you’re getting into your morning routine. You grab some breakfast,  you wait in the Dunkin donuts drive thru. It’s a good morning, yet something happens. You turn on your radio just hoping to maybe dial in to a throwback 80’s tune or maybe some of that new age rock stuff your kids tell you about. You hear voices, you start to cringe, your hands start to shake. What am I listening to and will it ever stop? Chances are you’re listening to the Buzz Morning Show. Just to be sure you’re not going crazy, here at the Inner Loop, we have crafted a list of five signs you are listening to the Buzz Morning show so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.


1) Your Ears Start To Bleed- As you’re listening to Chris Konya try to describe what he ate this past weekend, you can’t help but notice the slow drips of blood streaming out of your ears, you feel trapped. You dont want to listen, but yet you can’t dare change the station.

2) Scott Spezzano Mentions He’s Old Every Twenty Minutes- If Scott’s not promoting some event where you pet puppies or shave your head, he is definitely going to be talking about how old he’s getting, or his kids, or how he’s getting old and old. Why are we still listening?

3) Chris Konya Will Talk About “This Is Us”- Usually about five minutes into the program Chris will start asking you if you cried at the last episode of This Is Us, which you have no idea what the fuck that show is and why you should care?

4) Chris Konya Will Start Taking Calls To Talk About “This is Us”- Did we mention Chris loves “This Is Us”. Now he’ll start taking callers opinions about the episode the night before or how “relatable” the show is. Yet again, we know this is supposed to be a local radio show, but it seems Chris Konya has a massive erection for “This Is Us”.

5) Chris Konya Still Won’t Shut The Fuck Up About “This Is Us”- I know, I know. When will they start playing mediocre music and just shut up about this show already. At this point we recommend you just let go of your steering wheel and let the lord above take you off the road as you listen to Chris Konya breakdown each episode of “This Is Us’ in painstaking detail that makes you wonder if God does exist and when will he strike down the Buzz Morning Show.


Greece Man Taking Full Advantage of Facebook Invites To: “Stay At My Place If You Don’t Have Power”

Significant portions of the town of Greece were hit hard by Great Wind Storm of 2017 leaving people without power and heat, roads blocked by trees and power lines, and forcing a State of Emergency.

Several people took to social media to offer their homes as safe-havens to family and friends that were living in harsh conditions. Johnny Freedbley was one of those people posting on his facebook page: “If you need a place to stay come on over to my house. I have heat, WiFi, food, and plenty of blankets!”

“Well I was just trying to be nice” Mr. Freedbley told The Inner Loop. “Honestly I was hoping a hot chick would take me up on this but instead it was just Todd.”

The Todd he is talking about is his High School acquaintance Todd Gerkin. “We never really hung out in high school, or college, or any time really, but my power went out and I needed a place to hang. I saw his message on Facebook and I was like sick, this dude has a decent spread, let me get in there.”

Todd has made himself at home according to Johnny. “He doesn’t have a job, he just is in my house all day now. He has ate most of my food, he drank all my beer the first night he crashed. I don’t know what to do!”

The Inner Loop did some investigating on the RG&E website after learning Todd’s address. There is no record of him losing power.


RGH Maternity Ward Hiring Basically Anyone Prepping For Baby Boom 9 Months From Now


First couples were banging out of boredom when the Wind Storm last week knocked out their power and WiFi. Now Rochester couples will be totally boning for warmth during Winter Storm Stella and Rochester General Hospital is getting ready to deal with the upcoming blizzard mistakes.


“December is going to be a crazy month for us” says Chief Labor & Delivery Nurse Sandra Barthmal. “We are going to need a lot of staff to help out with the influx of babies made from all the ‘Netlfix-and-trying-to-stay-keep-from-chilling’ going on during this storm.”


One of the recent hires Tom Ranstock told The Inner Loop: “I have no formal health service experience but I was a lifeguard when I was 16. Plus, I have been studying that giraffe at that one zoo that is ready to poop out the baby giraffe on Facebook Live so I think I am good to go.”


“So yeah Tom isn’t the cream of the crop or anything but we need bodies, to help us pull bodies, out of other bodies” says Nurse Barthmal. “We are installing five-tier bunk beds in our nursery and are installing hamster like feed-tubes because there is no way we are going to be able to hand feed these demons.”

Rochester Continues Tradition of Buying-Out Super Parishable Food Before Storm

“As soon as I heard there was a Winter Storm Warning I ran to Wegmans to stock up on food for the storm” says Jesse Miles of Webster. “Luckily, I have my emergency grocery list that has been passed down from generation to generation.”


His list includes all of the things Rochesterians buy-out first during storm warnings: Milk, Bread, and anything else that has a week long shelf like.


When asked why he thinks 585ers buy things that expire quickly Mr. Miles responded “we arn’t doomsday-preppers, and honestly, i’m a realist. If a true apocalyptic type storm hits, that bread is outliving my fatass.”


The Inner Loop reached out to the Dairy Lobby for their comments on recent conspiracy theories that say “the reason everyone buys milk before a storm is because of Big Milk in Washington!” In response, the Dairy Lobby sent The Inner Loop a bucket of 1% milk with a note saying “dig any deeper and we’ll milk your whole family.”

Rochester To Return To Normal State Of Chaos, Instead Of Windy State Of Chaos

Rochester, NY- A storm like no other came through Rochester last week. Trees crashed on top of cars, power lines were going down left and right. Chaos ran the streets of Rochester. The 81 miles per hour wind came in and nearly decimated our beautiful city. Luckily, this has passed. As it stands now most of Rochester has power and everything has now returned to its normal state of chaos. We spoke with a local resident to see how he’s handling the nice return to Rochester’s perpetual normal state of chaos.

” I’m so grateful for those winds to finally have calmed down, I’ll tell yah it was getting pretty scary. Now I can walk down the streets without the fear of a tree falling on me and just get back to avoiding eye contact with the uncomfortable amount of homeless people on the streets. I saw an entire roof get blown off during the storm, scary stuff. It’s nice to just go back to being racially profiled on a regular Rochester afternoon.”

Don’t Understand Feminism? Let Brian explain it to you!

Rochester, NY-Local gentleman Brian has presented himself with the daunting task of explaining feminism to all his female acquaintances. It’s hard work, but someone’s got to do it. Listen, he read the intro to “The Feminine Mystique”. It breaks poor Brian’s heart to see these foolish women posting their negative comments online. “You need to have more confidence in yourself!” Brian furiously types, while shaking his head in disdain at Heather’s latest “self deprecating” post. “I’m a body positive feminist and I think ALL women are beautiful” Brian continued, “but of course, no one wants to date me. I’m constantly in the friend zone. Nice guys finish last!” He ended his empowered plea with a “sad face” emoji because he GETS it.

He then patted himself on the back for teaching another sad, uninformed young woman about the true meaning of feminism. When would he find his feminist princess who loves to eat pizza, drink genesee cream ale, be body positive, and remain a size two? When would a Victoria’s Secret model with a great sense of humor come into his life? She would laugh at his jokes the way he laughs at the jokes of Amy Schumer, and all those other female comedians that he totally knows the name of, but just can’t remember right now? Just give him a second. He definitely knows other female comedians. He’s feminist AF. He has a tee-shirt that says “this is what a feminist looks like” and he’s not even being ironic when he wears it.

Local women have described Brian as “creepy”, ” a little too too willing to walk them home” and “that guy who always played devil’s advocate in my women’s studies class.”