ROCHESTER, NY – According to a new study conducted at The Innerloop Blog headquarters, shoveling snow for as little as 10 minutes is a good enough excuse to eat like your on death row for the rest of the day.
Sure those smarty pants know-it-alls over at Harvard say you only burn 100 calories per 15 minutes, which is not even enough to negate a can of Coke, but here at The Inner Loop we say any amount of pushing that awful white shite around in your driveway has earned you at least one trash plate.
Hell, make it two trash plates, you’ll need the energy later to brush the snow off your Camry, or shoveling the driveway yet again since Mother Nature hates Rochester.
ROCHESTER, NY – A local man who prepared for the winter storm by buying all of the milk and bread at Wegmans panicked and ate all of the rations he had for the weekend in one sitting.
“I got nervous.”
ROCHESTER, NY – A local self-described “foodie” made the brave decision to make a local delivery driver bring him a large pizza during the winter storm this weekend. He did not tip.
Rochester, NY – After the fight that went viral over the weekend Wendy’s Rochester has announced plans to add a separate”Fight-Thru” Line so patrons can get a frosty and an uppercut while others simply looking to get food won’t experience any delays.
MEXICO, NY – “This is bullshit,” says the Mayor of Mexico NY after a leaked script for President Trump’s speech hit the internet stating that Mexico NY will have to foot the bill for the Southern Border Wall.
It may come as a surprise to most residents of the small New York town but this was the plan all along.
The Inner Loop Blog analyzed all of Donald Trump’s rallies leading up to the 2016 election and when he asks his crowd “who’s going to pay for the wall” and they would respond “MEXICO!” you can see Mr. Trump whispering “New York” into the microphone in the background.
ROCHESTER, NY – Rochester media professionals were shocked today to find that local meteorologist Daniel Stormy had been fired from his position at a prominent news station after accidentally letting slip a 100% accurate forecast LIVE on-air last weekend.
“It’s a rule in weather broadcasting that you never actually give a truly accurate prediction, it sets a bad precedent,” said Meteorologist Professor Tim Raines. “People will expect you to be accurate all the time. It’s a real hassle.”
Mr. Raines went on the tell The Inner Loop Blog that behind the scenes, weathermen and weatherwomen are able to predict weather up to a year in advance with pinpoint accuracy but only share the information with there closest relatives.
“They fired Stormy to keep that secret so don’t tell anyone I told you that, definitely don’t put this on your stupid blog” he continued.
ROCHESTER, NY – “He’s simply been sublime. The performance of a lifetime! It’s great that he’s getting recognition for this incredible work” said Sister Mary Catherine who is in charge of this year’s Nativity Play at Rochester’s St. Tony’s Episcopal Chruch & Hots.
“All week he’s been eating grass, going to the bathroom outside, and his mother told me she found him in the bathroom shaving his entire body, At first I thought, man this kid is a bit special but then I realized he’s a method actor. He’s been in Sheep #2 character this entire month.”
Skylar will face stiff competition at this year’s Tony’s, but the 5-year-old has told The InnerLoop Blog that he hopes to win it, unlike “that big fat stinky-butt” John Lithgow, a fellow Rochester thespian, who has only been nominated for a Tony and never won “like a big old poopy pants.”