All posts by Shane Allen

Inner Loop Creator and Co-Host of The Gentlemen's Club on 94.1 The Zone

Instagram Now Rejecting Blurry Pictures of the City From Cobbs Hill Reservoir: “We Have Enough”

Rochester, NY – Instagram has announced that they will now be rejecting uploads of blurry pictures from Cobbs Hill Reservoir in a new press release.

“Currently we have 100 trillion pictures of Rochester from the lookout spot and we simply can not justify using our server space to allow an upload that is guaranteed to get less than five likes.”

The social media platform also advised users of some other Rochester pics that are dangerously close to going overcapacity including Garbage Plates, those two rats 69ing, and Don Alhart nudes.

Scientists Confirm Height of Unbrushed Roof Snow, Related to How Disappointed Your Parents Are

Rochester, NY – A new study released by RIT Scientists has proven what we all kind of knew after years of driving during the winter in Rochester. Data confirms the height of snow left unbrushed on your vehicle is directly related to how disappointed your parents are in your life choices.

“I got the idea when I looked out into the campus parking lots and noticed a lot of cars with a foot tall pile of snow also had MAGA bumper stickers on them,” said lead researcher Josh Gore.

According to Gore, the higher the snow pile, the more likely the car owner’s parents were to distance themself from them. “Once you get to the delivery truck levels of snow that also fly off in sheets, and scaring the crap out of everyone behind them, their parents have just completely cut ties and in some cases even started new families.”

Interestingly, even just an inch of snow left unbrushed from a car’s roof meant nobody loved them.

Local Hots Restaurant Offering “Edible Garbage Plate Underwear” For Valentines

Rochester, NY – Hoping to cash in on the local community’s love for one another, and greasy meat slop, a new hots restaurant is offering to spice things up in your bedroom with lingerie made out of the food that put our city on the map.

ROC Hard Hots got the idea when their head chef drank too much wine last Valentine’s Day and proceeded to be horny and hungry all at once. “I wanted to eat an entire garbage plate but I also wanted to make some ‘homemade meat sauce’ if you know what I mean” says Bill Hard, the owner, operator, chef, and future health code violator of the restaurant.

The service works like those fancy sushi places with sexy women being used as tables. But instead of raw fish and leaves being placed on your body, it’s macaroni salad, home fries, and hot sauce. ROC Hard Hots does say the edible underwear is served at room temperature to avoid any lawsuits.

Danny Wegman Flees Rochester In A Hot Air Balloon Made Of Plastic Bags

Rochester, NY – As we previously reported, Danny Wegman was seen earlier this week peeling out of his grocery chain’s parking lot in a Ferrari filled with Plastic Bags and it appears we now know what he was up too now.

The InnerLoop Blog received many messages from people living near Wegman’s mansion in Canandaigua reporting there was a giant hot air balloon floating North towards the city.

Upon further investigation, it appears the lone pilot on-board was none other than Danny Wegman and the balloon looked as if it was completely made of plastic bags.

“It’s possible that he’s used the stockpile of bags leftover from the plastic ban to make a functioning aircraft,” says local heated-air pilot  Bill Oonse. “They absolutely have enough raw materials to make the balloon, the basket, and everything else out of those brown bags.”

We have not received word yet as to what the billionaire has planned or how far he’ll get but we will keep you up to date as soon as we hear anything.

Bills Fans Announce They Do Not Care Who Wins The Super Bowl As Long As Miami’s Stadium Loses

Buffalo, NY – Local Buffalo Bills fans do not have a team to root for in the Super Bowl but they do agree that they’ll be ok if Miami’s stadium just get’s “totally destroyed” tonight.

A new survey conducted by The InnerLoop Blog asking our step dad’s shows 95% of Bills Fans as rooting for Hard Rock Stadium in Miami to have a small to a large fire at some point.

“We don’t want anyone to get hurt, but if the Dolphins organization could get hurt, that would be cool,” said one fan.

Sources tell us one member of Bills Mafia that works concessions at the stadium plans to literally “squishes the fish.” He promises to press down really hard on all the fish sandwiches served at the game tonight. “It’s a minor inconvenience, and it’s not going to hurt anyone. Just like the Dolphins defense.”

Monroe County Executive Office Retires Cheryl Dinolfo’s Hair

Rochester, NY – The Monroe County Executive Office held a private and somber event today where the officially retired Cheryl Dinolfo’s hair in their rafters.

As is tradition, no other Monroe County politician will be allowed to wear Dinolfo hairstyle without her expressed permission.

Dinolfo’s signature cut joins Louise Slaughter’s fake eyelashes and will soon be nestled next to Rich Funke’s toupé. which will be retired later this year since he announced he’s not seeking re-election.

Local Man Asks Wegmans Cashier To Quintuple Bag His Groceries Day Before Plastic Bag Ban Takes Effect

Rochester, NY – Worried that he wouldn’t have enough bags to make it through the rest of his lifetime, a local man told his cashier “don’t stop bagging these groceries until you’ve cleaned out your little bag rack.”

Wegmans is getting a head start on the NY State Plastic Bag Ban and it has hoarders freaking out.

The InnerLoop Blog office has been stacking up bags for the last few months to get ready for the bag-pocalypse. If you need any, we’re we’re charging $50 per bag. Call us.