OR CLICK THIS PICTURE OF A GARBAGE CANS
OR CLICK THIS PICTURE OF A GARBAGE CANS
Avon, NY – It’s local guys named Brad or Clay’s favorite time of year. Deer murdering season.
Local heroes of all ages, and all shapes of white men, will spend the entirety of most weekends sitting up in a tree, covered in deer piss, listening to Joe Rogan podcasts, waiting for anything to walk by so they can shoot an arrow through its neck. Why? Well obviously it’s for “population control” and they get no pleasure out of watching the life drain from another creature’s eyes. Also, it has nothing to do with their frail masculinity and a need to prove their not gay even though wearing matching clothes and going on “retreats” in “log cabins” is 100% slang for secret gay sex.
It’s for these reasons that Travis Burksble from Avon can not believe more people haven’t liked the pics he’s posted on social media of all his kills. Clearly, he’s posting them just to let his family and friends know they can sleep easy at night knowing that there is one less Deer trying to sneak into their children’s bedroom to drop little pellet sized poops in their bed or get into their master bedroom to sleep with their wife.
He’s not posting them for clout. He’s not posting them to piss off the “librals” or “vegans.” He posts the pics of bloodied, gutted deer so everyone knows he has a big girthy penis, and he’d appreciate if you hit the like button to confirm you know that for a fact.
Rochester, NY – Henrietta native Steve McBilerton has had no issues getting to work this week since he made the conscious choice to leave his winter tires on all year.
“You just can’t trust the weather here,” says McBilerton . “I don’t want to get caught slipping and sliding like you a-holes so I just never take my snow tires off.”
McBilerton is now on his 6th set of winter tires since he started leasing the car in 2017. They get worn around mid-July and he just buys four brand new ones. He is now $4,000 in the hole and says “it’s worth every penny.”
Rochester, NY – “The only thing that kept me going when I was cold was the thought of some meat hot sauce” said Local Veteran Dale Dunigan.
Even though he only served only one year in the Army before he was dishonorably discharged for lighting up a bunker with brutal mac salad farts, Mr. Dunigan is happy to take any deal on Rochester’s iconic food during Veterans Day.
“I usually have about three on Veterans Day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s like 20 meals for the price of 2” he said before burping so hard he vomited a little bit.
Orchard Park, NY – Buffalo Bills Running Back Frank Gore announced he will be wearing his throwback gear for today’s game against the Washington Redskins.
The NFL said “this is a really bad idea” since when Frank Gore started, the game of Football was still in its infancy.
The InnerLoop Blog asked the Bills equipment manager what kind of protection this offers the veteran RB and they told us “he’ll have a leather helmet that offers no protection, and a jockstrap made out of goat leather. That’s it.”
Rochester NY – Western NY has been dealing with high winds this week and it seems as though some people are taking advantage of the situation.
Harold Greensburg is accusing Danielle Grumsfort of stealing his garbage can that blew away from his house yesterday. “I have to give it to her for being completely shameless. I mean we’re next-door neighbors, how did she think I wouldn’t notice?” says Greensburg.
“I didn’t steal anything. God sent me this can. Clearly, Harold was mistreating it and the Lord sent it to me to fill with my delicious garbage” says Grumsfort.
In a related note, Buffalo NY has asked Rochester NY to come pick up all the recycling bins that blew into their town like “a fucking murderous tumble-weed with flower logos on them.”
Rochester, NY – We’re in the height of the political attack ad season here in Rochester and the Monroe County Executive nominees aren’t pulling any punches. A new ad is claiming that Adam Bello is not only a “butthead” but a “grade-a poopy butt.”
The Dinolfo campaign says they have no idea who created or funded the ad but say the part of the ad where they say that Bello “eats his own boogers” is particularly interesting and should be looked into.