Rochester, NY- Everyone knows that I, as a good white feminist, go to protests to demand social change. I am sickened by the state of the world, as you can tell by my witty signs. I wrote that sign myself and I did not plagiarize Amanda. In fact, I got far more instagram likes than Amanda. Did you see my instagram likes?
Anyway, I digress. I knew that it was important for me to make my white woman voice heard throughout the land, but little did I realize what I would be getting in return. A stronger sense of self? Maybe. A deep satisfaction knowing that I had been the change I wished to see in the world? Perhaps. But my true prize? The sweet saccharine taste of an ice cold Pepsi. When I saw my guru, Kendall Jenner, bringing people of all races and creeds together through the power of Pepsi (the sad, fugly sister of Coke) I knew that I could have it all. Police Brutality? Not anymore. Not while I have this fresh case of sugary cola delight to stop the oppression. You’re welcome, people of color! I saved the day. Thanks, Pepsi. Thanks, Kendall. Ghandi would be proud. And I know, because I know one Ghandi quote.
Rochester, NY-Local gentleman Brian has presented himself with the daunting task of explaining feminism to all his female acquaintances. It’s hard work, but someone’s got to do it. Listen, he read the intro to “The Feminine Mystique”. It breaks poor Brian’s heart to see these foolish women posting their negative comments online. “You need to have more confidence in yourself!” Brian furiously types, while shaking his head in disdain at Heather’s latest “self deprecating” post. “I’m a body positive feminist and I think ALL women are beautiful” Brian continued, “but of course, no one wants to date me. I’m constantly in the friend zone. Nice guys finish last!” He ended his empowered plea with a “sad face” emoji because he GETS it.
He then patted himself on the back for teaching another sad, uninformed young woman about the true meaning of feminism. When would he find his feminist princess who loves to eat pizza, drink genesee cream ale, be body positive, and remain a size two? When would a Victoria’s Secret model with a great sense of humor come into his life? She would laugh at his jokes the way he laughs at the jokes of Amy Schumer, and all those other female comedians that he totally knows the name of, but just can’t remember right now? Just give him a second. He definitely knows other female comedians. He’s feminist AF. He has a tee-shirt that says “this is what a feminist looks like” and he’s not even being ironic when he wears it.
Local women have described Brian as “creepy”, ” a little too too willing to walk them home” and “that guy who always played devil’s advocate in my women’s studies class.”