All posts by Scott Horan

Bugaboo Creek Reopens in Henrietta Man’s Nightmares

Henrietta, NY – The town of Henrietta is well known for being a hub of National chain stores and franchise restaurants. It’s an ever-changing landscape of businesses, many of which fail to leave an impression. However, one such establishment lives on in one man’s nightmares.

Kevin Strasenburgh, a 36-year-old Henrietta native, cannot go near the intersection of Jefferson and Clay Rd. without suffering a complete emotional breakdown. Although the hunting lodge-themed steakhouse closed in 2015, with Bar Louie taking over the building, the now demolished lot is a constant reminder of the trauma he experienced therein. Kevin was able to muster up the courage to tell The Innerloop Blog his story.

“It was sometime in the mid to late 90s. We entered the restaurant, which looked like a cabin. I sat down on the bench while my parents spoke to the hostess. It hadn’t been 2 minutes when the tree next to the bench opened its giant eyes and started talking to me. I was freaked out, to say the least. We were seated at a table in the middle of the room. I felt very uneasy as all around there were what looked like taxidermy animals and head trophies. It felt like I was being watched. I tried to concentrate on the menu, ignoring the geese and mounted deer heads surveying the room. The waiter brought me some Pogs, I suppose to calm me down, when a raccoon popped up out of a barrel. I was shaking in terror when a buffalo up on the wall started talking. I jumped up out of my seat and ran to the car.”

Kevin subsequently spent several months in psychiatric care following the ordeal. He has a prescription for anti-anxiety medication for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He noted that he still gets triggered by Tickle Me Elmo and Big Mouth Billy Bass. He maintains that the intersection will forever haunt his memory.

98.9 the Buzz Discovered to Be Unmanned Phil Collins Pandora Station

Rochester, NY – Locally based radio station WBZA has been playing on the airwaves since about 2007. In 2014, after the termination of The Kimberly and Beck morning show, The Buzz began playing a genre known as “adult hits. Their slogan was changed from “All Kinds of Rock” to “Playing Everything, All the Time.”

This prompts the question “What is ‘adult hits’?” Also known as “variety hits”, Wikipedia defines it as “…a radio format drawing from popular music from the late 1960s to the present. The format typically focuses on adult contemporary, pop, and rock hits from the 1970s through at least the 1990s”. While ’70s to ’90s seems like it would provide a wide selection of artists and songs, listeners have noticed a more than coincidental abundance of Phil Collins tracks. The Innerloop Blog decided this phenomenon warranted investigation.

We headed to WBZA’s broadcast station in High Falls. Despite heavy traffic and construction, ILB persisted against all odds. Security was resistant to strangers like me but after showing off some magic, the guard was left in a land of confusion. After discovering The Buzz office with a sign that read Stu-stu-studio, The Innerloop Blog was shocked to see that the office was empty, save a computer set to a Pandora station displaying “Phil Collins Radio” and a distressed Furby rigged into a phone jack and a car battery.

ILB was shocked this was broadcasting in the air tonight. It couldn’t go on for one more night. We tried to shut it down but the Furby was able to turn it on again. Our driver called, I had them take me home because I don’t care anymore. Nevertheless, 98.9 The Buzz has been exposed and we can all enjoy another day in paradise.

Octopus Escapes Seneca Park Zoo Disguised as Dreadlocks

Rochester, NY – Zoo employees were seen running about the park in a state of panic this weekend as it was discovered that the new octopus, Mr. Squiglies, had apparently escaped his enclosure. Animal handlers were transporting the octopus between habitats when they noticed he was not in the transport tank. A trail was followed leading out of the facility but was unable to be tracked thereafter.

A frantic search of the zoo commenced as octopi are only able to survive out of water for about thirty minutes. Made even more difficult by the fact that they can change color and texture. They can also squeeze their whole body through any opening the size of their beak.

As employees and handlers searched throughout the zoo, security personnel also combed through security footage to find any sign of Mr. Squiglies. The search seemed fruitless until security footage found something unusual. A man walking out of the park with a large cap holding in dreadlocks. “Normally we wouldn’t have thought twice about this..” stated zoo security. “…except it was a large white guy with a Back the Blue shirt.”

Seneca Park Zoo employees were able to stop the park attendee at the gate and recover Mr. Squiglies just in time to get him back into his enclosure without any damage from being out of water for too long. When asked about how he had not noticed the octopus clinging to his head, the park attendee just stated “I’m a big guy, I sweat a lot. Actually felt kinda nice.”