Rochester, NY – After performing a killer conference at the Bug Jar, Chuck Schumer was surprised to see a nearly empty pit below stage.

“Strange, so many of my friends said they were going to make it to the conference,” Chuck thought to himself as he watched his aides pack up his equipment. “Maybe they got lost.” Before he could finish the thought his phone started to ring. It was Kirsten Gillibrand.

“Chuck! I am so sorry I didn’t make it to the conference! I got tied up with work at home.” Kirsten said as she turned on Netflix and grabbed her giant bowl of popcorn. “Don’t worry I will make it to the next one!”

A little bit later he got a call from his buddy Andrew Cuomo. “Chuck! Sorry I missed your conference. I really wanted to go!,” Andrew said as he finished rolling up a fat blunt. “When is your next one? I promise I will make it!”