Albany, NY – It has been a rough few weeks for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. After he was caught lying about the number of New York residents in nursing homes who had died from COVID-19, a slew of sexual harassment allegations came to light. Many New Yorkers think the Governor should resign. Cuomo, however, seems ready to turn over a new leaf.

“Look, I know I did wrong, but I’m going to make major changes,” the Governor told an Inner Loop reporter. “From now on, I will only sexually harass family. Like my sister, Margaret, who is an intelligent, sweet woman, and also has a really sweet tushy. Then there’s my brother, Chris, who I really enjoy doing interviews with, and has a set of abs on him that won’t quit.”