Wegmans Reveals New Line of “Positive Energy You Feel Good About” Spirit Crystals

Rochester, NY – During the midst of a pandemic Wegmans has debuted a new product aimed at casual shoppers and tie-dye clad free spirits alike.

At a recent press conference, a red-eyed Danny Wegman slowly walked onstage to announce the supermarket’s new line of hippie woo-woo nonsense to reporters.

“The Wegmans Brand has always been about providing quality mysticism that makes you feel real positive vibes, man.” Wegman said 

The crystals can be found by following the thick smell of incense and ringing of tiny bells at all Wegmans locations.

“Our green semi-precious stones hit right at your wallet chakra,” Wegmans said, “making you feel refreshed and wanting to spend more money at our stores.”

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