Rochester, NY – At a recent press conference, Mayor Lovely Warren announced an emergency order to address the recent surge in violence across the city.  

“We have devised a plan that will help to limit the spread of violence ravaging our community. ” Mayor Warren said as her staff rolled out a large cart of semi-automatic rifles and ammunition behind her.

The Mayor’s actions come after the publication of a recent study that suggested Rochester can achieve herd immunity to violence by arming every citizen with at least one firearm and two full magazines of ammunition.

“In order to halt this epidemic of violence we must come together and fight fire with fire.” The Mayor said as she inserted ammunition into two bandoliers across her chest.