Penfield, NY – On Wednesday, Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren put a curfew in place for city residents, to prevent violence. Gatherings of five or more people outdoors, and ten or more people indoors, between eleven PM and five AM, are now prohibited in the Flower City until further notice. On Thursday, Penfield Town Supervisor Tony LaFountain enacted a similar curfew to prevent kinky sex.

“With this warm weather, our residents are getting a bit frisky,” LaFountain said Thursday. “Starting today, no more than three people are allowed to congregate anywhere in town between eleven PM and five AM. Those are peak sexy time hours, and sex should be between no more than two people. There is no place for kinky sex in Penfield.”

When asked by The Inner Loop what the expectation is for families with young children still living with their parents, LaFountain said “Sex with children is never okay. They are to sleep in the yard. It’s warm. They’ll be fine.”