Rochester, NY – July 4th and BBQs go together like COVID-19 and a retirement home, so today, thousands of grills in Rochester are set to fire up and cook the meals for family gatherings.

One local dad is proud of his daughter for moving out of the home to her new apartment in the South Wedge but isn’t too happy with how it’s changed her diet. “Ever since she moved there, she started hanging out with some hippy vegan weirdos and now all she eats is kale and tofu bullshit,” says Frank Borcshal of Penfield.

In a passive-aggressive move, Frank plans to banish the veggie hotdogs she’s planning to bring to his house to the side of the grill he knows doesn’t “cook things good.” His hope is that if he undercooks it, she’ll refuse to eat it, and go back to eating “real hotdogs, like a real American!”