Chili, NY – As the country begins to open up after months of quarantine. A local man says he is excited to return to his normal everyday routine of never washing his hands after he pees.

“It feels liberating to no longer be a slave to “big soap” did you know that pee is sterile? So by my not washing my hands I’m actually probably cleaner than you.” The man said, while sucking Cheeto dust off his fingers.

When asked if he was concerned about the spread of the virus the man explained that it was unlikely to happen to him as he hadn’t been within 6 feet of another living human being in 15 years anyway.