Local Wives Refuse to Resume Sex Until Phase 4 of Reopening

Rochester, NY – As the region begins its re-opening, an emergency meeting of the Rochester Women’s Coalition convened to discuss whether or not to extend their ‘Pause Vagina’ plan.

‘I think we should just stay closed forever’ Tammy Markels of Victor told The Inner Loop blog as she left the meeting. ‘My husband has been doing fine without it, taking up hobbies, working in the yard…I did wake up to the bed shaking violently the other night but it stopped after a minute or two and I think he was just having a nightmare.

‘We’ve come to an agreement and have decided that phase 4 is most appropriate to re-introduce sex, coalition president Tracey Wilhams told The Inner Loop. This is the phase that includes arts, entertainment, recreation, and education and I think we can all agree that the vagina offers all of those things.’

‘We are willing to pull back our offer if the correct measures are not met, trust me we do not need your gross post quarantine bodies on top of us. If I’m being truly honest what we need is a vaccine for men. Me and my rabbit are doing just fine without Steve over there.

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