ELAB Employee Who Sold You $250 Bong Deemed Essential

ROCHESTER, NY – In a not widely publicized move, smoke shops have been deemed essential businesses by the state of New York. That means the 3 foot masterpiece of glasswork you purchased with your stimulus check is actually essential to living through these uncertain times.

“Listen if we don’t let people get their vape juice, their grape swisher sweets, and their grinders during these very uncertain and unstable times, how can we expect them to stay sane and not just start purging? It’s a safety measure meant to prevent anarchy, and to promote calm during these UNCERTAIN TIMES!” Shouted Governor Andrew Cuomo, fresh off a mega hit of that loud he got from his cousin Rivers

During these um, uncertain times, us writers really rely on the use of uncertain substances to maintain our uncertain sanity. The times, they’re just so uncertain that finishing this paragraph? Well that’s going to take an essential trip to the smoke shop to find a nice piece that doesn’t burn the beasters I just got so fast.

“Stay safe and smoke loud” Snoop ‘Uncertain Times’ Dogg”

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