Rochester, NY – Many residents were upset to year the annual Lilac Festival has been rescheduled but none were more disappointed than Rochester’s local gangs.
Generally, the Lilac Festival has become the de facto meeting spot for rambunctious groups of young adults to come out, enjoy some kettle corn, and beat the living shit out of each other.
“We lost a lot of money on all the fake mustaches we bought to get through security and the ‘Must Have A Parent If You’re Under 16’ rule,” says one anonymous gang member. “But videochat fighting seems like the safest thing to do.”
He added that’s he might be an “asshole” but he’s not a total “douche” and encouraged everyone to stay the fuck home.