IRONDEQUOIT, NY – Preparing for the potentially extended quarantine is hitting local residents harder than a garbage plate hits your colon on a Sunday morning.
Local dad and self-proclaimed brewmaster (he has a home brewing kit he has yet to open but did one-time mix Labatt Blue and Sprite and claim he invented White Claws) Darbert Landerball has already been forced to crack open his prized Flutie Flakes purchased last millennium.
“The way I see it is I’m hungry and nobody on the eBay has ever made an offer higher than $2.50 for this damn treasure. Still tastes like the shitty Frosted Flakes knockoff it always has been. After I’m done with these I guess I’ll eat the TO’s and freezer burnt Let’s Dough Buffalo Sabres ice cream I’ve had for like 8 years.”