ROCHESTER, NY – Winter has arrived and with that, parking in the city just went from wildly inconvenient to an absolute waking nightmare for those who wish to go out in the city or just live there without the luxury of off-street parking.
Nowhere is that need to park anywhere but the snow and ice-covered streets more necessitated than Meigs Street, where your mirrors and tail lights serve as an obstacle course to drunks trying to navigate down a 4 foot wide, unplowed road at 3 AM during nonstop snowfall.
But here are some tips and tricks to steer clear of having to go to the detailing shop because some dipshit played bumper cars after a long night grinding at Vertex…
- Take an Uber – No way to get your car clobbered if you leave your car home in the suburbs or wherever it is you live to avoid the hellscape of parking anywhere in the city on a weekend. Why’d your buddy even pick JD Oxfords? Do you even like him enough to go hang out there on a Saturday night when it’s 10 degrees out? F*** you Jeremy.
- Throw some parking cones around your car – Hey if the city isn’t going to plow Meigs, throw on a safety vest and pretend your car is a construction site. Maybe just maybe it’ll help push travelers to the other side so they can hit those cars instead. If you get a ticket from a Parking Monitor, just throw it away, parking tickets aren’t real.
- Park at Mark’s Texas Hots – They say if you park there, you’ll get towed: and they’re right you will be. And you’ll be towed to the scariest lot you’ve ever seen where nobody is even there and you’ll have to handsome dude who just rolls up in a beat-up civic your credit card to pay $180 in the hopes he can actually let your car out. But hey it beats the bill you’ll get at any repair shop for the damage of a hit and run am I right?
- Go to Hooligans in Greece or Webster – Just bail on city plans and go to the suburbs, where you can park your car safely away from careless drivers and can just go inside and get into a fight with someone who looks like Ronnie from the Jersey Shore.