ROCHESTER, NY — Fall is here, and the entire city of Rochester is doing their best to conceal their excitement for the season.

“We’re all really excited about all the fall fares the city has to offer.” Said South Wedge local Jeff Berkeley, shifting his flannel-lined pants, “It’s a little hard to get around town and first, what with all the lift and tuck method—sort of stifles your gait. But it’s easy to get used to after a few swigs of some hot apple cider.”

The fall weather has brought caravans of people from the city to see the beautiful scenery Rochester has to offer. Shop and restaurant owners throughout the city are preparing themselves for the influx of tourists, aptly dubbed “leafers.”

“Yup, lord knows we weren’t at all ready for the leafers last year.” Said bakery owner Brandon Anderson, through fidgeted tugs on his apron, “This time around, we stocked up on tissues and Swiffer Wet Jets in case anyone enjoyed one of our delectable pumpkin pies too much.”

Dr. Jessica Richtford, career physician, isn’t surprised by the overabundance of excitement for fall.

“My calls jump about 80% during autumn. Specifically from a 585 area code.” Said Richtford, “I keep telling them if no drugs were taken to induce the erection, there’s nothing to be concerned about—just “take care of it.”

“But for most Rochestarians it never retracts, even if they take care of it. It generally lasts for a few weeks or so until the first snowfall. That’s when blood flow returns to the rest of the body.” She said while sipping a pumpkin spice latte, “And that’s when the seasonal affective disorder kicks in.”

At press time, everyone refused to stand up from their tables to comment on their favorite fall activity. So we just turned around, left the room, and closed the door.