Local Man Uses Balsam Express Bagel Staff to Part Genesee River

Rochester, NY – If you have ever been to Balsam Bagels you know they have a magical staff with the power to get you to the front of the line to get your bagels to-go.

Rochester lore says the Bagel Staffs were forged when an angry Brighton witch named Karen complained to management for so long that her hatred manifested itself into five magical gluten enabling canes.

One local man wanted to test the magical strength of the Balsam Staffs by taking one to the mighty Genesee River. After sneaking it out to his car during a busy breakfast rush, Todd Solomon went to the bottom of the Genessee Falls, planted the staff into the ground, and cast the magical spell “Bagalium Creamachessus!”

The Genny parted, and at the end of the path, there was a pile of carb-loaded treats, lactose filled spreads, and several vegan options were “alright.”

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