Rochester, NY – An FOIA request has produced documents earlier today that shed light on the daily struggle of traffic cops. According to police reports obtained by The Inner Loop, cops were “baffled” and “unprepared” when they saw that patrons had created their own parking spots by turning on their hazard lights.
“It was the weirdest thing,” says full-time traffic cop and part-time mime, Officer White. “Usually, my jobs don’t intersect much unless I’m directing traffic. But when those hazard lights come on, I have to treat the vehicle as if it is in an invisible parking spot.”
When we suggested that White simply issue a ticket, he stated that he could not, as it was “up to forces greater than himself.”
Meanwhile, onlookers who spent 20 minutes looking for a parking space were reported to be seen shaking their heads as if to say “I can’t flip off an empty car.”