ROCHESTER – Chaos struck a local wings and beer joints when a study was released showing that the women’s kickball players get fewer drinks than their male counterparts. The study showed that the women were 75% more accurate with their aim, could speak in 100% coherent sentences, and produced 60% less vomit in the bushes of parks and kickball fields. Some were angry, others were disappointed, but not surprised.

“I couldn’t understand why we were winning so much, and why we cared so much about winning. We’re getting one shot for every two that North Gates BradChads get! We are nowhere near as inebriated as the men’s team”, stated Cobbs Hill CatCalls pitcher Breighleighlough (pronounced “Dawn”) Huffington. “We are all professionals, and we are getting paid nothing to play a children’s game with no stakes on a Wednesday night when we should be reading or something. We deserve to be as inebriated as the men to forget our crippling loan debts and other responsibilities!”

The captain of the BradChads could not be reached for comment, as he simultaneously streaking and publicly urinating in Cobbs Hill Park.