Rochester, NY- The jazz festival is here and the people of Rochester are out and about, enjoying the wonderful sounds and all the events happening while sipping their mandatory cup of Javas coffee! Movie star and infamous “daddy” to all the ladies out there, Jeff Goldblum is set to the take stage this year at the Jazz Festival and hype is abound. That’s why here at the Inner Loop we have taken the time out of our day to give you five signs that your mom (yes, your sweet mother) is totally fantasizing about banging Jeff Goldblum Aka “The Real Daddy”, while banging your dad!
1)Quotes Jurassic Park- If your mother has ever said any of these following quotes while riding your father, she’s probably not in the same bedroom as your dad. Maybe you think ( or don’t want to think) sweet old mom saying “Uh, must go faster” while on top of your father is just a nice act of affection, WRONG. She’s totally thinking of that silver fox that is Jeff Goldblum riding a T-Rex all the way into vagina town.
2 ) Starts stuttering- Think your mom’s stutter is brought on by old age or a fading memory? Nope, while your dad thinks that your mom’s stutter is coming from the “deep” love he’s giving her, it’s really just her thinking of Jeff Goldblum asking her if she could “Uh, ride, that thing, like, uh, her, life, uh, depended on it.” Sorry pops.
3) Plays Independence day on repeat– You think they’re playing Independence day to cover the noise of their lovemaking so your precious ears don’t hear it? Yeah right, your mom is completely numbing out any other noise in the room to hone in on the sweet sultry voice of Jeff Goldblum talking about killing aliens with CD- ROMs or whatever.
4) Won’t stop calling him Jeff- Your mom doesn’t care at this point, she’s 45, both her kids have gone off to college and she hasn’t found your father attractive since Vietnam. She’s calling Mr. Jeff daddy all the way until the roosters come home and your dad doesn’t care because at least he’s getting laid.