PITTSFORD, NY – Two local colleges are getting into the spirit of competition by using their longtime rivalry to create an intense, combatant situation wherein students will fight to the death to win the rights to a contract position paying $17/hour with zero benefits that requires a bachelors degree which costed no less than $120k in student loan debt for each business student competing.

“Honestly between this and having to work in retail, it’s not the worst thing this school could do for me. I’ve tried applying for jobs in my field but most of them require 8 years of experience or proficiency in a program we were never taught, so I assume temp to hire is the only shot I have at avoiding living with my parents until I’m 42.” Said Nazareth student Lisandra Robotante, a business major with a 3.7 GPA that will absolutely be ignored by any recruiter hiring unless she’s down to be a recruiter for the exact job she doesn’t want to have.

“It’s a great opportunity for these kids to learn that nothing will come easy in this world even if you have a degree, and teach them that they were much better off skipping college and starting a landscaping business.” Said Humbercuck Hoppercock, chancellor of Saint John Fisher