Sea Breeze, NY – Local bar, and Jimmy Buffet’s wet-dream, Marge’s Lakeside Inn has put out an official report from their Lake Ontario tracking system stating that waters are clear of Sharks but warn of nearby Cougars.

Not many know this but the second level of Marge’s is actually a full-on million dollar Lake Tracking Laboratory. They were able to fund the scientific equipment after just three weekends of charging extra for limes with the purchase of a Corona Bucket.

It is inside this laboratory that Marge herself keeps tabs on everything going on in the Great Lake. “Mainly it’s PTW (Pee-To-Water) Ratios and PTF (Pee-To-Fish) Ratios,” said Marge. However, the main thing the bar is concerned with tracking is the wild Cougars they release onto the beaches most during happy hours and weekends.

“They get into our liquor, get horny, and end up dry-humping a stranger on the beach. We blame global warming,” Marge told our The InnerLoop Blog reporter.