Study Finds That All Known Diseases Originated From Bug Jar Bathroom

ROCHESTER, NY – A shocking discovery has been made in Western New York that has sent scientists across the nation into a frenzy questioning all that was once that to be true about the world.

It was recently discovered that every single disease, from bubonic plague to the measles, originated from the bathroom of the Bug Jar on Monroe Avenue.

“It defies all known logic, but all tests returned the same result, literally every disgusting horrible disease not only exists within the sticker-covered walls of those bathrooms, but the resting primordial stew of bodily fluids that makes up the majority of the contents of those bathrooms seem to have spawned every single known disease. It also somehow naturally created fake oxycodone pills cut with fentanyl, which we found especially peculiar.” Said local scientist David Kenner, who would no refuse to remove his hazmat suit as he spoke with us at the counter of the bar.

“I’m not shocked,” said a local crust punk who apparently doesn’t have a name.

“I went in there once to shoot some H and a week later I had hepatitis, it’s really sad they let the bathrooms get to that point, clearly their fault” he said, whilst waist deep in his own vomit in one of the stalls that he had kicked in the door to because he was “kind of in a hurry”

No word yet on what the bar plans to do about the situation, the CDC considered quarantining the area but decided against it due to the fact that no one really ever goes to, or leaves, Rochester anyway.

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